Fear of a Name

Chapter Eighty-One: Never

Harry sat down in his vacated chair, staring glumly at the floor. Lupin closed the door, and Harry looked up. Dumbledore was still there.
"Why so miserable, Harry?" he said quietly. "You should be very proud of yourself after last night."
"It didn't make any difference," said Harry bitterly. "Pettigrew got away."
"Didn't make any difference?" said Dumbledore quietly, "It made all the difference in the world, Harry. You helped uncover the truth. You saved an innocent man from a terrible fate."

"Professor Dumbledore — yesterday, when I was having my Divination exam, Professor Trelawney went very — very strange," Harry said, frowning slightly.
"Indeed?" said Dumbledore. "Er — stranger than usual, you mean?"

"Yes... her voice went all deep, and her eyes rolled, and she said... she said Voldemort's servant was going to set out to return to him before midnight... she said the servant would help him come back to his full power." Harry stared up at Dumbledore. "And then she sort of became normal again, and she couldn't remember anything she'd said. Was it — was she making a real prediction?"
Dumbledore looked mildly impressed.
"Do you know, Harry, I think she might have been," he said thoughtfully. "Who'd have thought it? That brings her total of real predictions up to two. I should offer her a pay raise..."

"But—" Harry looked at him, aghast. "But — I stopped Sirius and Professor Lupin from killing Pettigrew! That makes it my fault if Voldemort comes back!"
"It does not," said Dumbledore quietly. "Hasn't your experience with the Time-Turner taught you anything, Harry? The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed... Professor Trelawney, bless her, is living proof of that. You did a very noble thing, in saving Pettigrew's life."

"But if he helps Voldemort regain the power he's lost..."
"Pettigrew owes his life to you. You have sent Voldemort a deputy who is in your debt... when one wizard saves another wizard's life, it creates a certain bond between them... and I'm much mistaken if Voldemort wants his servant in the debt of Harry Potter."
"I don't want a connection with Pettigrew!" said Harry. "He betrayed my parents!"
"This is magic at its deepest, its most impenetrable, Harry. But trust me... the time may come when you will be very glad you saved Pettigrew's life."

There was a short silence.
"I knew your father very well, both at Hogwarts and later, Harry," he continued gently. "He would have saved Pettigrew too, I am sure of it."
Harry looked up at him.
"I thought it was my dad who'd conjured my Patronus. I mean, when I saw myself across the lake... I thought I was seeing him."
"An easy mistake to make," said Dumbledore softly. "I expect you'll tire of hearing it, but you do look extraordinarily like James. Except for the eyes... you have your mother's eyes."

Harry shook his head and looked down at the floor.
"It was stupid, thinking it was him," he muttered. "I mean, I knew he was dead."
"You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself most plainly when you have need of him. How else could you produce that particular patronus? Prongs rode again last night."

Harry and I both looked quickly up at him when he said the last sentence.
"Last night Sirius told me all about how they became Animagi," said Dumbledore, smiling. "An extraordinary achievement — not least, keeping it quiet from me. And then I remembered the most unusual form your patronus took, when it charged Mr. Malfoy down at your Quidditch match against Ravenclaw. You know, Harry, in a way, you did see your father last night... you found him inside yourself."
And Dumbledore left the office, leaving Harry and me on our own. Now, in addition to the thoughts of my sister making my mind spin, I had to cope with Harry's confused thoughts as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nobody at Hogwarts now knew the truth of what had happened the night that Sirius, Buckbeak, and Pettigrew had vanished except Harry, Ron, Hermione, myself, and Professor Dumbledore. As the end of term approached, I heard many different theories about what had really happened, but none of them came close to the truth.

Malfoy was furious about Buckbeak. He was convinced that Hagrid had found a way of smuggling the Hippogriff to safety, and seemed outraged that he and his father had been outwitted by a gamekeeper. Percy Weasley, meanwhile, had much to say on the subject of Sirius' escape.
"If I manage to get into the Ministry, I'll have a lot of proposals to make about Magical Law Enforcement!" he told the only person who would listen — his girlfriend, Penelope.

Though the weather was perfect, though the atmosphere was so cheerful, though I knew we had achieved the near impossible in helping Sirius to freedom, I don't think I'd felt worse in ages.
I certainly wasn't the only one who was sorry to see Professor Lupin go. The whole of our Defence Against the Dark Arts class was miserable about his resignation.
"Wonder what they'll give us next year?" said Seamus Finnigan gloomily.
"Maybe a vampire," suggested Dean Thomas hopefully.

It obviously wasn't only Professor Lupin's departure that was weighing on my mind. I couldn't seem to get the memories of my sister to stop constantly replaying in my head. The screams haunted me when I was awake... her lifeless body plagued my dreams... every breath I took, she was there.

The exam results came out on the last day of term. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and I had passed every subject. Harry and I were both amazed that we'd got through Potions. I had a shrewd suspicion that Dumbledore might have stepped in to stop Snape failing us on purpose. Snape's behaviour toward Harry and me over the past week had been quite alarming. I wouldn't have thought it possible that Snape's dislike for me could increase, but it certainly had. A muscle twitched unpleasantly at the corner of his thin mouth every time he looked at me, and he was constantly flexing his fingers, as though itching to place them around my throat.

Percy had got his top-grade NEWTs (Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests); Fred and George had scraped a handful of OWLs (Ordinary Wizarding Levels) each. Gryffindor, meanwhile, largely thanks to our spectacular performance in the Quidditch cup, had won the house championship for what I was told was the third year running. This meant that the final meal of the year — the end of term feast — took place amid decorations of scarlet and gold, and that our table was the noisiest of the lot, as everybody celebrated. Even I managed to forget for a short while about my sister as I ate, drank, talked, and laughed with the rest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the Hogwarts Express pulled out of the station the next morning, Hermione gave Harry, Ron, and myself some surprising news.
"I went to see Professor McGonagall this morning, just before breakfast. I've decided to drop Muggle Studies."
"But you passed your exam with three hundred and twenty percent!" said Ron.
"I know," sighed Hermione, "but I can't stand another year like this one. That Time-Turner, it was driving me mad. I've handed it in. Without Muggle Studies and Divination, I'll be able to have a normal schedule again."

"I still can't believe you didn't tell us about it," said Ron grumpily. "We're supposed to be your friends."
"I promised I wouldn't tell anyone," said Hermione severely. She looked around at Harry and me. We were both watching Hogwarts disappear from view behind a mountain. I was never going to see it again... never going to see any of my friends again...

Never...
The word was ringing in my head...
Never...
It was threatening to overwhelm me...
Never...
I wouldn't cry... not here, not now...
Never...
I shook my head slightly, trying to get it to stop...
Never.

________________________
A/n: ok, I've got two more chapters left to publish after this one, and then this book is going to be completely finished (except for minor editing like checking for typos and stuff, of course). Sooo I've got three different options of when to publish said chapters:

1. I could publish them both today (so there'd be three updates total today). I'd most likely publish the other two a little later on (probably one this afternoon, one this evening).

2. I could publish one today and one tomorrow (so there'd be two updates total today, and one tomorrow). I'd publish the other one for today sometime this afternoon/evening.

3. I could publish one tomorrow and one the day after (so it'd still be one update per day).

Please comment which one you'd prefer!
~Charlie 🖤