Burning Desire

Chapter 30

"Morning." Alex's velvety voice ripped me from my troubling thoughts.

He stood in the doorway in a casual plaid flannel and those Wranglers he always wore so well. He looked good. Tired, but good.

"Good morning." I managed a smile. "I was hoping you'd be here soon."

"Yeah? Why's that?"

I motioned for him to come in and he took a seat across from me, stretching his long legs out in front of him and crossing his ankles.

"I read your article..."

I didn't know how to put my feelings about his article into words, having been so emotionally struck by it.

Alex's demeanor shifted and he waited for me to continue, probably expecting a bad review. He looked like he was mentally bracing himself for a letdown.

"It was the most moving thing I've read in a long time," I told him honestly. "It actually made me cry. I think you captured what you wanted to say beautifully, and I'm sure so many people will be able to relate to your experience. I wouldn't change anything about it."

His eyes lit up and he grinned ear-to-ear, almost looking like he couldn't believe what I'd said.

"Really?"

"Really, really," I smiled, handing the two pages back to him. "I'm sure Mandy will be very impressed as well."

"Thank you, Kate," he said sincerely. "Your opinion really means a lot to me."

There was a silence between us then. A twinge of discomfort wrapped itself around my heart and squeezed hard. I couldn't look into his eyes, for fear he'd be able to magically guess what was going through my mind.

I had to make a choice. Soon. I couldn't keep stringing Alex and Jesse along. Maybe I'd put too much faith into Selena's words, telling me that it was okay to see both of them as long as neither relationship was exclusive. It'd made sense at the time, but I hadn't thought far enough in advance to factor in the eventual emotional sting. Or maybe I'd miscalculated Kacey's advice about getting to know both men before making a decision. Had I surpassed the appropriate get-to-know-you time span? Was there such a thing?

Regardless of where my judgment had hiccupped along the way, I knew two things were for sure. One: I was sure I knew both men well enough to determine who was best for me. Two: It was going to be painful no matter which way I went about telling them.

My biggest fear was that neither man would want me once they found out about each other. Surely, they'd both be pissed, and I would completely understand why. Part of me wondered if I could just tell one of them that we weren't right for each other, and tell the other that I thought we were, without telling them about each other. But I quickly dismissed that idea. I wasn't going to lie to them. They had a right to know.

Selena's words still echoed in my head about how it wasn't wrong since no one had made anything official, and I wanted so badly to still believe that, but I knew I'd fucked up. There was no denying that. I probably should've told them to begin with that I was dating around, exploring my options, rather than giving them the impression that I was only seeing them. Unless both men had an exceptional sense of humor and understanding, there was no way this could go smoothly, I thought.

I finally met Alex's gaze again and guilt flooded through me. He was such a strong, amazing man. He didn't deserve to be strung along. He deserved someone who treated him with as much respect as he showed them.

Same went for Jesse. He was so caring and determined. He'd worked so hard to build a good life for himself and prove that he didn't need his father's success backing him to make it in the business world. He was an inspiring man who deserved an equally caring and determined woman by his side, supporting his ventures.

Looking into Alex's eyes, I knew I'd made my decision... But how in the hell was I supposed to go about telling them?

I debated just blurting it out right then and there, bracing myself for rejection when Alex's voice shattered the silence.

"I'm really looking forward to tonight, Kate," he said with a sweet smile.

Right. The New York Times dinner. Now was not the time to be breaking any news or hearts. I would have to wait until after the event to say anything. I wasn't going to ruin the night for Alex. He deserved to enjoy himself.

"Me, too," I agreed, hoping he couldn't hear the angst in my voice.

"So I was thinking... Sometime in the next week, why don't I go have a look at that house you guys are renting? I need to see how big the lot is and get an idea of how much fencing material to buy," Alex said with a smile that nearly broke my heart.

Here he was being so fucking sweet and amazing, and I'd been leading him on for weeks. I was so mad at myself. I never should've listened to Selena's dating advice in the first place. Clearly, what worked for her did not work for me. But I couldn't put the blame on her. It wasn't her fault. She'd been genuinely trying to help.

"I'll have to figure that out after we meet with the landlord," I told him, trying to distract myself with shuffling paperwork around on my desk.

I didn't want to make plans with him when I didn't know if he'd even want to see me again next week. And I certainly didn't want him to think I was taking advantage of him, expecting him to build me a fence after I potentially broke his heart.

This situation had become too delicate too fast.

Alex looked at me with eyes of concern, leaning forward as he spoke. "Are you okay, Kate?"

"Yeah. Of course. I'm great," I lied through my teeth.

"Are you sure?" he frowned, knowing something was off with me.

"Oh! Kate! Alex!" Mandy called out in an entirely too chipper tone for the morning as she leaned in my doorway.

Thank goodness she interrupted before Alex pulled a real answer out of me.

I turned my attention to her. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to remind you two about the company Christmas party next week!" she grinned. "We're not doing Secret Santa due to last year's dildo fiasco – don't want a repeat of that – but it's going to be a great time, I'm sure. It's being held at The St. Regis on Christmas Eve. I expect you two to be there!"

Before either of us could respond, Mandy was already down the hall, repeating her spiel to the next coworker.

"The St. Regis?" Alex's eyebrows lifted high enough to almost disappear into his hairline.

I shrugged. "They hold it there every year. The CEO of Satisfaction likes to go to extremes with the extravagance level."

Speaking of extremes, I was reminded of how extravagantly Jesse's parents' house was decorated for the holidays.

I wondered what Jesse's plans were for Christmas...

"Well, I hope you'll be my date then." Alex flashed me that adorable lopsided grin.

Oh, come on, fate! Stop intervening! I'd just told myself I wasn't going to make future plans with him before I broke the news! This wasn't fucking fair.

How could I say no to that handsome face, though? I couldn't. I couldn't, regardless, but now I especially couldn't because then he'd really know something was up.

"Okay," I smiled.

I'd just have to prepare myself for him to change his mind later...

"Great," Alex nodded and got up to leave.

I watched him walk to the door and somehow it already felt like he was leaving me. I needed to stop overthinking everything or I was sure to be miserable at the dinner, and I wasn't about to be a downer for Alex on a night when he could potentially be named one of the top five and get an exciting career boost.

"Oh, uh, Kate?" He turned back to look at me with a confused expression. "Dildo fiasco?"

Face-palm.