"i'll miss our humor," lisa smiled at jennie.
"i'll miss laughing with you," jennie whispered, looking away from lisa and staring at the dark autumn sky, mesmerized by how bright the stars shine.
take anything you want from me, take it all if you want to; but please- please let me keep her, the only person that matters. she silently prayed.
"more than that, i'll miss laughing because of you. i'll miss that out-of-control tears-in-the-eyes childlike laughter that only you gave to me. i'll miss that happiness, that vibrancy, that energy. that feeling you would fill with that's hard to explain- but it felt like sunshine." jennie's voice cracked at the last word, she cleared her throat and closed her eyes, unaware that lisa has been staring at her.
"jennie," called the younger girl. "look at the stars, look how they shine for you."
jennie opened her eyes, "but you'll still be the brightest star in my night sky."
lisa held the brunette's hand, feeling how cold it was, yet she was burning under her touch. "i'll miss you, nini."
"i'll miss you, lisa."
"truly?"
"deeply. in a way that leaves me dumbstruck for words. in a way that i know i will never feel that sunshine again."
"i'll come back. i promise."
-
jennie opened her eyes.
it was dark in the room, and unusually warm.
jennie rustled under the sheets and felt a faint sheen of sweat on her body. there was faint murmur coming from the corner of the hotel suite bedroom from the heater they had left on earlier in the night. it was meant to dispel the cold seoul autumn air outside and keep her comfortable. that, coupled with lisa's body heat beside her and the thick, velvet covers on top, jennie decided it was too much.
she turned over onto her back ever so slowly, making sure not to wake the sleeping doe-eyed girl. a quick glance in lisa's direction assured jennie she was still asleep. she watched her body move up and down with her breath in perfect rhythm.
she glanced at the clock on the night table beside lisa. the red numbers strongly displayed 5:23 a.m. jennie let out a soft sigh; they had just gone to bed around one. it was early enough that the city outside was already humming with pre-dawn energy, already ready for the day. jennie had nowhere to be today. yet, she still felt stressed. lisa had to be awake early for a flight back to thailand for a solo interview.
jennie turned onto her side, facing lisa' back. lisa was framed perfectly in front of the bedroom window as the lights of the city seeped in through the thin curtains. lisa's silhouette glowed in the soft light. the covers had fallen down to lisa's waist, and her bare back and shoulders were exposed.
jennie reached out for her. she wanted to be selfish. for a moment, her hand lingered over lisa's shoulder. jennie wanted to caress her, to slowly pull her in closer and feel her against her. she didn't care that it was too warm; she still needed lisa's warmth, now more than ever. instead, she retreated her hand back to her side.
she thought about what they had just been through in the past week, let alone year. busy schedules and call times; quick facetime calls from across the globe with murmured whispers of "i can't wait to see you again"; frantic, passionate make-out sessions in the bathrooms of restaurants and at after parties, while their peers waited for them outside, wondering what could possibly be taking them so long, lisa's hand gently in jennie's hair and her hot breath on her lips-
and just like that, it was over.
lisa leaves early in the morning, and they had just agreed to end their relationship just four hours earlier. it was on good terms and mutual agreements. yet jennie watched lisa lay there, in their last hours together.
suddenly lisa shifted, and jennie quickly shut her eyes.
lisa groaned softly, and turned onto her other side. jennie decided to wait for lisa's breathing to return to its regular, deep sleep rhythm before opening her eyes again, but instead, she opened her eyes in surprise as she felt lisa snuggling up next to her.
jennie couldn't help but smile to herself. she draped her arm over her, and pressed herself against her. it was too warm. but this was too good to last. the spark that ran through them was still there, jennie could still feel it, but maybe it was better this way, so they wouldn't have to keep anything a secret from anyone anymore, and things would be simpler -
but jennie had to stop her mind from wandering. she decided, instead, to focus on this quiet, intimate moment, with lisa in her arms one last time. yes, they decided it was over. but it wasn't over yet, at least not until daylight, and for the next few hours Lisa was hers. the heat in the room was almost uncomfortable, but jennie knew by tomorrow the bed would be a little bit colder. she pressed a small kiss onto lisa's forehead before resting beside her. jennie didn't care if she didn't sleep. if, for the next few hours, she only got to take in more of this moment before it was gone, jennie was okay with that.
and she hoped she'd be okay in the long run.
-
"somewhere down the line, i promise we will meet again. in a different place, a different time, a different life. that's the only thing that's keeping me sane, the promise that i know it's not over, it's not over..." lisa hugged jennie, one last time. "the timing was just off, and we were too young. and our lives couldn't collide right now. but i hope to god i am right, and i hope that years down the road, i will see you in a small coffee shop in a big city, and our eyes will meet again."
"maybe one day we'll find that place where you and i could be together. and we'll catch our dreams within the waves of change." jennie let go of the hug and cupped lisa's face, wiping a single tear that escaped her eye, "so smile for me one last time and believe me that we'll meet again. until then, i'll be missing you."
"i promise. i'll never forget you. i hope to see you again, jennie. take care of yourself, alright? i love you, i always will."
"i will always love you, lalisa."
and i began to let her go. hour by hour, days into months, months into years. it was a physical sensation, like letting out the string of a kite. except that string was coming from my center.
