HIV/AIDS - Confessions of a seropositive

CONFESSION #1: I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID OF HIV

PART 1 – 1996

My name is Leonardo, you can call me Léo. I am a homosexual man of the 80's ... Born in 1982. I did not really experience the plague in the gay community with the emergence of HIV/AIDS ... However, as a teenager of the 1990s, I witnessed the death of idols and celebrities as a result of HIV/AIDS.

We knew almost nothing about the virus. We knew it was a deadly virus, which was mostly transmitted with unprotected gay sex and syringe sharing. In the classes of sexual education little was said beyond the very basic. I was afraid, I confess. In the course of my life I always thought that the biggest fear of a gay man was being infected with HIV, but we all knew that the chances of that happening were so great. You know, it's the kind of sensation like: we know we're going to die one day, we just do not know when. This became very clear when I looked at a very significant film on this subject in 1996.... Even one of the first LGBT-themed films I've seen in my life.

"Philadelphia" came to me shortly after the deaths of Cazuza, Freddie Mercury and Renato Russo. The feeling of sadness and fear was inevitable. We know that art often imitates life, or vice versa.

PART 2 – THE OUTBREAK

Beginning of 2013, I was just 31 years old. I had just modeled for some publicity work for a local company in my town. On the same day I took the opportunity to do a new photoshoot. For that, I had to shave my body. Since I can not adapt with waxing, I used the razor. After all, it was only for some photos.

I could never imagine that a photographer, after seeing the results of the two works, would soon have asked me to pose for her lenses. But it would have to be the other day. Two days after the first pictures. As my hairs were starting to grow, I decided to shave again with razor ... Which gave me little sores on the skin.

Some photos were taken inside the river of my city. A short time later I was invaded by an outbreak of boils on my body. In all, during the year, there were eleven. The first two left one on my index finger of the right hand and the other on the left arm near the armpit.

When I was already near the ninth boil, I decided to do a battery of blood tests. Something was wrong. I did the complete blood count at a private clinic. When I got out and got home, I thought, "I'll ask to add HIV to the exam." So I called the lab, asked if there was any problem and if the blood was enough. As the secretary said that the blood was enough, I asked for the inclusion of the HIV test.

PART 3 – REAGENT

I took the exams on September 16, 2013. In the morning. On the same day, at 6:00 PM, the result should be in my hands. It was then at 4:00 a.m. the secretary of the clinic calls me with a strange excuse: "Sir, I would like to let you know that your exams are ready today, only HIV did not prepare and we had to send to another city, but do not worry, it's just a standard procedure ".

I can say? At the moment I thought, "I fucked up."

Soon after getting my blood count, without the result of HIV, I realized that everything was perfect, except for my lymphocytes, which were altered. Putting together the blood count plus the fact that HIV is a quick test did not come together, I was already getting ready for a result that could change my life. According to the secretary, the result of my HIV test should come September 18, but to my unhappiness and distress, he arrived only on September 25, a week and a half later.

On the 25th, I called the clinic early in the morning and asked, "Please, I need to know this result, I'm already going crazy with such a delay, I know that you can email exams today, I go to the clinic , I pay the HIV test and I get it by mail, can it be?"

During the afternoon I received a call: "Sir, we have your results in hand." I ran to the clinic, which is one block from my house, to withdraw the examination. I paid and kept the envelope closed until I left the lab. I listened to my headphones, "Roar" by singer Katy Perry, who has a message of struggle and strength, and when I reached the sidewalk I opened the envelope: "reagent".