Corrupted

Chapter 15

I don’t think of him as a huge celebrity because I knew him before he had his ego and fans. I met him before they made it to the live shows and they were on the TV. I knew him before the whole UK and Ireland did. I met him in the time before they went to judges’ houses. I knew him before everybody loved his famous curly locks and green eyes.

Number three. Why else am I better for him? I sat and thought for a minute. Well, personality wise, we are pretty similar. We have the same sense of humor, which is always good. He's hot, yet also adorable, like me. Not to sound self-absorbed or anything. He doesn't really care what people think of him, except on rare occasions. I'm the same way. Hmm... What else?

"Number four," I mumbled to myself as I typed it out.

He's one of the only people who I've cried and laughed over. The only other person was Zayn and maybe one of those guys I've date. What was his name? I think it was Justin? Whatever. I don't even remember.

But it was true. My feelings for Zayn were almost as strong as my current ones for Harry. I think if Zayn and I were to have kissed when I did, well, was convinced I was in love with him, I'd probably be really dating him now and not even be in this whole situation.

I don't know what it was but I did feel the same way about Zayn. I don't know why I never told him. I think I was scared of his reaction because he was dating Melinda and he's one of my brother's best friends. And, on top of that, one of my best friends. However, like Niall said, if we had gone out and broken up, I wouldn't be able to be his shoulder anymore. The one to comfort him when something bad happened. Like all the times he called me crying about their latest break up. I was always there for him and even though I swore to myself I would've been so much better for him but, deep down inside, I think I knew I couldn't be.

He's the only person I feel comfortable enough to just pour my heart out to because I know he won't judge me or try and tell me I'm wrong; nothing like that. He will just sit and listen, taking it all in and at the end, he gives me advice, but only if I ask. But most of the time he'd tell me to listen to my heart, which always got me angry because I wanted to be told what to do. Nevertheless, looking back, everything always fell into place.

However, I mean, emotionally, we are the same, Zayn and I. I think that's why we get along so well and tell each other the things we do. I mean, we're both very to ourselves. If we ever dated, I only imagine if one of us were to get hurt, I think we would both go into some emotional overload.

Although, I highly doubt that would ever happen. Zayn's a sweetheart and always looked out for "his girls" and I was one of them. It was a mixture of his sisters, best friends and girlfriends, ex’s and current. I know it sounds somewhat weird to still look out for his ex-girlfriends but he explained it to me once. He only dates the people he feels may possibly be the one. So, every girl he's dated he's had a strong connection with, so when they break up, he's usually devastated. So even though his heart would be sore, he would still stop all the rumors and clear everything up, so that he and she would be protected.

It's safe to say, Zayn is like my human diary and pretty much my perfect guy. But I've realized now, I don't want perfect. I don't want that feeling of security I felt with Zayn. I wanted to feel the rush I got with Harry. To be honest, even when I caught him last week, I don't know what it was, but I felt kind of a high. Well, more like a fighting urge to get him back. When Zayn goes off about Melinda, I don't get that feeling. Zayn's more of my safety blanket. I mean, even when I kiss him, it feels right but too right, if that makes sense. But when I kiss Harry, it feels so wrong that it's right.

I should add that to the list. Harry likes to kiss me as if we're dying and never going to see each other again. How much do you want to bet he doesn't kiss her like that? Because I mean, unless he can fake that much, what would you even call it? Passion? Heat? Dare I say that four-letter word? Because I mean, I highly doubt anybody could fake that feeling, even if you're a really good actor.