Deal with it

17 of December.

Hi. I felt like I REALLY need to talk about today. So. AJ asked me for hot cocoa (which is not really different. This happens a lot.) and Kenny was there as well. Echo and Kati were there as well. Which wasn't weird either. But the fact they left was.

I mean, they were there for a long time, we talked about the play, talked about what we want to do it the future. Everything like that. That means Echo and Kenny were mostly sort of quiet. Or they were pointing out how dirty something sounded. To be honest, most of the time Kati and AJ did laugh but Echo is annoying. To be honest. I mean, I can stand them, they're just kind of boring and annoying. But this is not about that. We talked for such a long while and had a lot of fun (I had a couple of cups of tea or hot cocoa. Lets just say that.) and it was so much fun. Echo left first, to take care of someone who got punched for calling Stan some really terrible things (We can all guess, who punched him. Can't we?) So yeah. I'll talk about Stan more later, poor guy. And poor Kyle. Both of them have a lot ahead of them. Next AJ left to take a phone call and Kati said she had to take care of someone else.

So I talked with Kenny. He was really nice to me, like normal. We talked about everything in the world and it was really really fun. I love talking with him, it's so much fun to listen to him and talk about the things he does. Well. He was getting closer to me at a point (which I didn't notice at first because he was doing it really smoothly.) and then he told me he liked me or said it in a very funny way (basically started jokingly calling me random things from Greek's history. He was always really good at history, surprisingly.)

MY MIND WAS NOT ABLE TO COMPREHEND IT AND I STARTED CRYING MY EYES OUT, SAYING MANY THANK YOU'S! (That is how NOT to answer to a confession.)

But thankfully he understood and let me cry before saying it again. After which I acted far more civilized. So I took a breath and told him that I liked him as well (trust me, I wanted to scream so bad. I still wanna scream! But I won't.).

He kissed me and as if they knew, AJ opened the door the minute we were off each other and started to drink with all of us. It was amazing. I haven't seen Echo so happy, well, ever. It was pretty nice until we had to leave.

So, we left and were pretty much leaning on each other the whole day! I liked it a lot. I haven't been happier in a long long while. I really love this right now. Like, really really really love this right now. I love life and can't believe just three months ago, I wanted to die so bad. Some people have taken me in, although I still have one more thing I want to do before I can say i'm actually happy. (Many things but I can do it right now. The one I can do already I want to do, really want to.) And I'm pretty sure I'll do it soon enough. I want to do it, really want to. And I'm sure I'll do it. Absolutely.

But about today. Bebe and Wends came out as having each other as 'romantic partners' as they called it. Which is really really cute of them. I love their relationship. But to be honest, I really want to talk about Stan because he told me some pretty messed up shit. Because he likes to talk to me or he was breaking. Each thinks their own.

Anyway. Stan mentioned that he was an alcoholic. Which is absolutely terrible. He also mentioned being depressed and that he can't take it anymore. He seemed so happy! Especially after Kyle! He said that he was, that he likes Kyle but that love does not always fix things....

... he asked me to tell Kyle, said he just couldn't break Kyle's smile and sense I'm still living with the Broflovski's, it coming from me would be better than Kenny or someone else. (Which I do not understand the logic of but agreed.)

So I told Kyle. He broke down and ran to find Stan. Poor thing. He is not home today. He said he's staying with Stan today, they are think whether Stan should go to rehab or is it too harsh on him. To be honest, as I have lived here, I've noticed it...

...Kyle isn't exactly healthy either. I mean, both of them are depressed. I don't know why but I know that both of them are. I just don't know anything concerning them but I would love to know and help them, even if I'm not good at helping. I mean, Stan said he isn't on his worst and Kyle clearly is not either but still, the fact he came to me, crying, and told me everything is more than concerning in my opinion. Poor boy, really...

...I feel bad for being so happy because of everything that happened to me. I shouldn't be, I'm being so selfish... so very selfish. I can't believe I'm happy when two people I think are really really amazing friends are going through such things... it's so wrong of me... even if Stan told me to be happy when he heard what happened.

I am happy, I'm just also sad for them. That's possible. Happiness isn't the opposite to sadness, unlike people think.

Until Tomorrow:
Mae/Margarine.

()()()()()()()()()()()()

So, depression plot line is not going to be resolved. Just because love doesn't resolve depression and I'm sick of people making it a thing. I hate things like that. You can feel better but you're still depressed while you're loved.

~Eko.