Living with the Millers

Chapter 24 - Sister Bonding

"He wants to," she said quietly, looking at her feet. "We've talked about it. But he knows everything that happened and why we moved here, and he said he'll wait until I'm ready to actually ask. Thing is, I think I'm ready now. When I'm with him I'm not thinking about grams or Alaska or anybody from back home, I'm just me and I'm laughing and I'm actually enjoying life instead of wondering what's the point."

"It sounds like you really like him," I mused, smiling down at her even though she wasn't looking at me. I knew the feeling of being drawn to someone because they made you forget the bad stuff. That's what Ben did for me, so if someone was giving her that kind of happiness I was happy for her.

She looked up at me, tears shining in her eyes. She was fighting them, but her voice was shaky. "I just don't want to do anything to upset grams. Before I didn't care what I did with boys and I don't even know why. I knew it upset her but...I just...It's different now. I know she's gone, but...I like to think she's looking down on us and I want to make her proud." For a moment I was silent because I wasn't sure what I could say to reassure her. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder so that her head was leaning on me, and with one hand I stroked her hair. We stayed like that for a moment, holding each other, embracing every second of the comforting closeness. However, nothing lasts forever and before I knew it the words were tumbling out of my mouth without even having to think of them.

"It's unfair that grams had to leave us so early. But everyone's time on this earth is limited, and when it's up there's nothing you can do about it. It might sound morbid but we don't even know how long me or you have left. Grams would want to you be happy London, she would want you to be living life to the fullest and enjoying every second. She might not be thrilled that your happiness is with a boy, but if you feel this strongly about it you know she would come to accept it and support you. All she ever wanted for us was happiness."

She nodded, sniffing.  It was then that I realized tears had slowly started falling from her cheeks onto my arm. "Take you're own advice, okay?" She chuckled.  I stiffened slightly; what did she mean?  "Oh please, I see the way Ben looks at you."

"What are you talking about?" I forced a laugh, but it sounded fake.  I could feel my palms becoming sweaty. heart beating so quickly I could feel it in my ears.  This isn't how the conversation was supposed to go!

"Don't lie to me, Shi," London said, pulling out of my embrace so she faced me. "You deserve to be happy, too.  Ben is the sweetest guy when you give him a chance, so don't shut him out like you do everyone else.  You deserve to be happy too."

"Thanks, London," I found myself suddenly wanting to tell her about Marks.  If she knew the whole story, maybe she wouldn't be so quick to push me into the arms of another guy.  Things weren't that simple anymore.  But I didn't want to burden her or make her worry about me, so instead of telling her the truth I pulled her into another embrace. "Just promise me that you'll always use a condom."

"Oh my god, Shi!" She exclaimed, jumping to her feet and shoving my shoulder.  I fell back on the bed, laughing. "You better use condoms when you're screwing the brains out of Ben too!" And with that she turned and ran from the room, leaving me alone to my thoughts.  I laid on her bed, running my hands through my hair.  Little did she know it would be a long time before I trusted anyone enough to have sex with them. Maybe I could just become a nun so I never had to worry about.

After a few minutes of laying there in silence I forced myself to get up to go to the kitchen. Savanna was busy making pies for the Spring Fling Festival and I knew, even though she would never ask for it, she needed some help.  Savanna was a lot of things but great in the kitchen wasn't exactly one of them.  When I walked in she was leaning over a cook book, hair in a messy bun, a crazy, frustrated look in her eyes.  She wore a red apron to cover her clothes which was already covered in flour and eggs.  When she heard me walk in she stood up with a sigh, using the back of her hair to wipe a few wisps of hair out of her face.  It left a trail of stark white flour across her forehead, but I couldn't find it in my heart to chuckle.  She looked so stressed.