Sophitz Forever

Chapter Eighteen

Sophie looked up at Keefe as he walked in, slowly, and sat down at the edge of her bed. He brushed his thumb against her hair and murmured, if that was possible for Keefe, "Hey, Foster." There wasn't a trace of his trademark smile on his face.

Sophie sighed and the action pained her. She said, wincing, "Hi, Keefe."

Keefe looked at Sophie sadly. "Sophie, you don't know how sorry I am...  for everything."

Sophie shook her head and then winced in pain as a headache soared through her head. Keefe glanced at her worriedly as she spoke. "It's okay, Keefe. You did nothing wrong. I promise. Everything... It was all my fault. Not yours." She couldn't let the guilt get to him because his mind would break and that would be a fate worse than death.

Keefe responded, but this time his words were thick with tears. "No, it was all mine. And Fitz's, I guess." Sophie shook her head again, despite the pain.

"No, it was mine. I—I think I broke his heart. He'll never forgive me for that, even though he says he will. I hurt him impossibly hard." Sophie blinked back tears.

Keefe looked up at her. "Woah, how did you manage that?"

Sophie sighed. "I told him that... That it was too complicated to be with him and that I didn't think it would work out. He kissed me and I ran away. I told him that it would be too hard to be together. And then I ran outside and then... I kissed you." Sophie blushed at her bluntness. "And you know what happened after that."

Keefe sighed. "I should have stopped you. I should have stopped myself. I know I should have." He shook his head, an uncanny blush staining his face. Sophie had never seen Keefe blush before. "But honestly, I kind of liked it. If I had to be truthful. It was like... Something exploded inside of me and let me free and I didn't even know it was there until you came and set me free. Sophie, you know I—" He blushed again as Sophie cut him off.

She tried to say the words as gently as she could but she could still see the pain marring Keefe's handsome features. "Keefe, I love Fitz. You do know that, right, Keefe? I know that everything I just told you completely contradicts that but I do love him. And I'm sorry, but it doesn't really matter, right? I mean, you and I, we're just friends, right? And that kiss, I promise it didn't mean anything. I don't want to confuse you. I mean, you love Biana—"

It was Keefe's turn to cut Sophie off. "Sophie. I have to tell you something. I know I'm going to sound horrible and wicked but it has to be said. I don't think that Biana is really right for me. She's awesome, but she's more like a little sister than a lover. I mean, I thought I felt something for her and maybe I do, but it's nothing like..." He shook his head and went on. "And besides, she has Tam. Maybe things would have been different before, but no. Change has come and done its evil job. Sometimes I wish things could just stay the same. Like, couldn't we all be friends like the old times and not have to worry about who likes who and matchmaker lists and marriage? We're far too young for that. Alden and Della didn't even get married until they were hundreds of years old!" Keefe sighed. "And I just wanted to tell you something. I know that you love Fitz, no matter what possible questions or confusion you have about him. I see it in the way you look at him. He loves you too, I know he does. But I just wanted to say, I think something's changed between us. I hate to say this, not when you're so confused about everything right now and especially when you're sick, but I... I think I love you." He paused and blew out a breath but went on before Sophie could say anything. "And I know you will never return those feelings for me but I thought you should know how I feel. You know, get things out in the open and all. But please, please, please. Don't tell Fitz about this. Any of it. Okay?"

Keefe waited for Sophie's response but she couldn't speak. Her mind was crashing down on her. This revelation was just... earth-shattering. She didn't know how to respond. She was barely willing to just have one guy feel something for her and that was already proving to be complicated enough. And if it was the guy she liked, well, then great. But with another one, Keefe Sencen at that, was not... She sighed. Why was life and love so hard? He loved her, she loved someone else, but she wasn't even sure how she felt about Keefe. It was a horribly awful love triangle. After that kiss, something had been set free in her as well. She didn't know how to feel. Biana would be no help. She couldn't speak to her about this.

What was she supposed to do?

She turned to look at Keefe, who was staring at her expectantly, a glimmer of hope hiding behind is ice blue eyes. She decided she had to say something. "Keefe, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure if I can ever return those feelings. Like I said, I mean, it's going to be Fitz." She knew she had hurt him as she saw the pain wash over his face as he registered the words.

He finally said, "It's okay, Foster. Go to him. He deserves you. Just... Just get better, okay? If not for me, then for Fitz, please?"

Sophie nodded. "I'll do my best." She smiled and Keefe nodded, standing up. Sophie could tell he was blinking back tears, so she called him back as he tried to leave. "Keefe, I really do like you. I'm just not sure how much yet. Okay? My whole life it's just been Fitz, and now that life is changing like you said, it's too hard to know yet. So I guess there's still hope, okay?"

Keefe nodded. "Yeah, Foster." He grinned suddenly and bitterly and stopped at the door. "Who do you want to see next?"

Sophie thought about it. "Dex. I feel as if I haven't been talking to him lately. I don't want him to feel left out." Keefe nodded and walked out and a few moments later, Dex walked in. "Hey, Sophie." They looked at each other awkwardly.

Sophie started to talk since it seemed as if Dex had no words. "Dex, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. Lately, I haven't been talking to you as much and I know that it might feel as if I am neglecting you. You're my best friend. I know it feels like I've almost been ignoring you but I promise you I'm not."

Dex smiled, strangely understanding. "It's okay. I understand that life's been hectic for you these past couple of months, what with Fitz, Keefe, and the Matchmaker Scrolls and everything. Naturally, I would fall back into the shadows." He grinned again, though this time is was more a mask to hide his pain.

Sophie sighed, wanting him to understand what she was trying to say. "Dex, you have been my best friend since the beginning. I don't think of you as anything less of the others. It's just that, you're kind of like a brother or a... cousin to me."

Dex sighed. "Sophie, I know this won't mean anything to you now, but I thought you would just like to know, I know about Fitz and Keefe's feelings. It was kind of obvious, the way they always looked at you. But I hate to say this what with everything that's been going on. I'm a part of that lover's train. And I know you don't think of me that way and it won't kill me, but I just thought you might like to know. Once upon a time, I think I might have liked you? Anyways, I have another girl now."

Sophie smiled, trying to hide her feelings that were happening all over again. She had never been fair to Dex, and he wasn't the type of guy to think of as anything more than a friend to Sophie.

Sophie asked, smiling knowingly, "Dina?"

Dex blushed. "Yeah. She's a girl I met at the shop a little while ago and she's super cool. I just want you to know I didn't replace you. I'll always think of you... that way. I think. But yeah. I won't be heartbroken if you don't feel like that." He smiled again, this time a genuine thing.

Sophie smiled back at Dex. "No! I'm really happy you found someone. I'm sure she's awesome. I can't wait to meet her! Are you planning to Match with her?" Sophie sat up slowly, trying to avoid the dizziness.  A new thought hit her, this one provoking nausea that had nothing to do with her sickness. "Speaking of which, isn't today the day where we're supposed to tell the Council our decisions?"

Dex nodded. "I'm sure they'll give you an extension, seeing your condition." Sophie nodded. She couldn't choose now! She thought it would always be Fitz, but now... What was she supposed to do?

Keefe. Handsome, annoying, smart, funny. Awesome at lightening the mood. Optimistic, but broken inside. Someone that was willing to show her everything: the good and the bad.

Fitz. Handsome, tall, strong, smart. Funny. Kind. Awesome at getting her out of bad situations. The boy who genuinely cared for her. Willing to protect her at all costs.

Who should she choose? Why was picking her Match so hard? Life was so difficult. The Council was no help. Sophie knew there was only one person who could help her at this time.

"Hey, Dex? I love ya as a friend, okay? Congrats on Dina. Please ask her out. I want to see you happy. Can you call in Biana next?"