Catnip

03 | In Which Caleb Makes a Deal With the Devil

"He brought it up the first week of class."

"He said it wouldn't be till October."

"He said around October. September twenty-seventh isn't exactly far off."

"Wait, what class is this?" Daniel asks,

"AP calculus. Nothing you need to worry about," Brittney says, and Caleb's convinced it's an observation and an accusation all rolled into one.

"Oh. Sounds like a drag, anyway–" A sudden bang startles the life out of Daniel and has him spilling a full tub of strawberry yogurt down his shirt. Caleb starts to snicker but falls silent the moment he pinpoints the source of the disruption. A curly-haired giant's standing at the foot of their table, banging his fists against the plastic surface. He's burly, broad-shouldered and sporting a confident smile, and Caleb's stomach lurches. Brilliant, a meathead.

"Aw, dang, I was really enjoying that yogurt," Daniel says, scooping the remainders of said yogurt off his shirt with the plastic spoon.

"Yeah, dude, and I was enjoying your mom till someone rudely interrupted last night."

"Seriously? Mom jokes?" Brittney rolls her eyes (with style, of course). "Your lack of maturity never ceases to amaze me."

Caleb adds nothing to the exchange, too busy trying to figure out who the newcomer is. He's familiar in a vague kind of way, but then again, most kids roaming the halls of Jackson Hell Hole are. Still, Caleb doesn't recognise him from any of his classes and can't for the life of him put a name to that already-irritatingly-smug face.

And then the irritatingly-smug face turns his way. "Hey, I know you!"

Caleb tenses. The thing is, it's not so awful being different in Jackson Hell Hole when you've got thick skin and the tendency to turn everything into a running joke. He's heard every deportation gag in the book by now, he's used to Neanderthals asking weird questions about what he does with his dick. So it's not like he would care if Meathead opened his mouth and said some dumb shit, or at least he wouldn't if he were alone or, even better, with Marnie. But the last thing he needs is for this to happen around Brittney, who's well known to be the culprit behind the campus-wide emergence of sticky notes featuring Andrea Dworkin quotes, even if she hasn't technically been caught for it.

"You're that Mensa dude –"

"That was a rumour," Brittney cuts in. 'Course she'd get pissed at the idea of him belonging to Mensa when she doesn't. "It'd pay you well not to believe everything you hear in the guys' locker room, Isaac."

Isaac, there it is. Now that his forename's out, other details jump to the forefront of Caleb's mind. Isaac Morgan, that's who he is. The soccer team captain Marnie's always complaining about, notorious for his wild house parties, the type of guy who'd easily fit into a frat house at college. Definitely a meathead. Surely Daniel of all people isn't friends with him.

"What about you being gay?" Isaac asks. "Was that a rumour too?"

Caleb scoffs and says, "Who's asking?" at the same time Brittney says, "Yes, he's gay. Not like it should matter," which leaves him wondering when the hell he elected her as his official spokeswoman.

"Why shouldn't it matter?" Isaac asks. "You know I'm all about the homosexual lifestyle."

"No, you're all about casual bigotry and bullshitting everyone who comes within a ten-mile radius of you. A lifestyle, Isaac, really?"

"Jesus, Britt, do you ever quit? It's not like I said it was a choice or something."

"Oh yeah, okay, sure. Don't think I've forgotten what happened with Zoey Harmon."