Twenty-four-point-six-six-six-recurring hours in and Caleb's had enough. Forget being somewhat averse to cats; he downright hates them. Hates it. Hates the way it sinks its claws into his hand whenever he gets too close. Hates the way it waits till he's cleaned out the litter tray before jumping right back in and pissing again. Hates hates fucking goddamn hates the feel of its sandpaper tongue licking his skin.
(Thank god for hand sanitizer.)
Most of all, though, he hates the fact that he's completely and utterly alone with his hatred.
Mom loves it, Marnie loves it, the neighbours love it. Hell, even Maya, a teen whose moodiness puts Kevin the Teenager's to shame, is infatuated with the damn thing, and she hasn't been infatuated with anything since Christmas eight years ago, right before he broke the news that Buddy the Elf did not exist and therefore was not involved in the making of her new Barbie pogo stick.
(She's been disillusioned with life ever since.)
How can one messy flea-ball have such a profound effect on everyone bar him? It makes no sense. And if there's anything Caleb hates more than his newfound pet, it's things that don't make sense.
(And maybe also carrot sticks. Those things are nasty.)
(Although they're not as bad as that tasteless Coke Zero shit.)
(On second thought, he hates a lot of things more than cats. But that's beside the point.)
~ ~ ~
10.42, Marnie (Queen Bitch) Royle: hows the cat??
10.42, Caleb Diaz: *how's
10.42, Caleb Diaz: And it may or may not be dead. I've yet to open the box.
10.43, Marnie (Queen Bitch) Royle: -.-
10.43, Marnie (Queen Bitch) Royle: fu
10.43, Caleb Diaz: Kung-fu?
10.49, Marnie (Queen Bitch) Royle: smh
10.49, Caleb Diaz: You know I can't help it. I have a long-standing aversion to text talk and bad grammar.
10.50, Marnie (Queen Bitch) Royle: uv a long-standing aversion to EVERYTHING
10.50, Caleb Diaz: That is highly inaccurate.
10.50, Marnie (Queen Bitch) Royle: suuuuuuure it is bitch
Caleb's phone rings before he can type a reply, and he's unsurprised to find Marnie's name (and her added embellishment, Queen Bitch, which she point-blank refuses to let him remove) lighting up the screen. With a sigh, he accepts the call, because Marnie is Marnie and she doesn't tolerate being ignored.
"What now?"
"I asked you how the kitty is."
"And I told you its fate is unknown."
"She, not it. Two can play at that game, Diaz."
"What game?"
Marnie's answering sigh is so loud that, had he been standing by an open window, he probably could've heard her from across town. "You better be taking good care of her."
"How many times did you say I have to feed it? Twice a week, right?"
"Diaz, I will slay your fucking ass–"
YOU ARE READING
Catnip
HumorCaleb Diaz is not an animal lover. At all. So when his friend Marnie shows up on his doorstep with a birthday card and a kitten for his big 1-8, he's more than a little peeved. Cats stink, no questions about it. And with graduation less than a year...
