Remember Me [harry styles] ✓

9 - Humiliation and hugs

  "I'll still be a fool, I'm a fool for you."  

I don't know how long I've been here; curled around the toilet bowl. I just know that my mouth tastes vile and there's still humiliation seeping from my pores.

Part of me thinks I'm acting like a petulant child. One that didn't get what they wanted and is now having a tantrum as a result. And in some way, I am. I forgot was not the answer I'd wanted. It was not the answer I'd waited eight years for. And it certainly was not the answer I thought I deserved.

But then I think perhaps there's more to it. Perhaps I thought I meant more to Harry than just some penpal on the other side of the world - just some stage in his life. Perhaps he means more to me.

And now I'm not sure I can go back out there and look him in the eye. Hell, I'm not sure I can look at him ever again.

How did I get it so wrong?

Why did I think I was so entitled?

I was so sure that he'd be able to justify his actions. I'd so wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe I'd just so wanted my friend back.

Clearly I thought so highly of myself that there was no way I could be that forgettable to anyone.

And yet now look at me - hugging a toilet.

I'd been a girl on a mission at that concert. I'd stood my ground in the gelato store. I'd even drifted through Essendon airport with my head held high.

Now I just feel stupid. So stupid.

Knuckles tap lightly on the partition behind me and I whimper in response. Pathetic, Juniper.

"Juni?" Harry's voice is gentle but I almost wish he'd refrain from using that nickname. He's the only one who's ever called me Juni and as endearing as it is to hear it again after so long, it makes it worse somehow.

I squeeze my eyes shut as if it might make me invisible but the door slides open and Harry's deep sigh fills the small space anyway. He can't step inside because I'm occupying the entire room but it already feels warmer and more claustrophobic just with his presence behind me.

I don't want to turn and acknowledge him. I'd much rather flush my head down the toilet than do that, but I can feel him getting closer and suddenly his breath is on the back of my neck and one of his hands is curling around my left shoulder.

I freeze, mortified. 

It's one thing to find out you meant nothing to someone you've pined over for eight years, but it's another to have them approach you at your most vulnerable - and quite frankly revolting - state.

"Juni, are you alright?" He sounds tired. "You've been in here for forty-five minutes." 

He can't be right. I'm sure it's been longer than that. I'm sure we must be almost in Sydney by now. 

"You can't stay in here for the whole flight." Amusement laces his tone but there's nothing even remotely amusing about this. I'm sure he's just trying to lighten the mood, just trying to draw attention away from the fact that whatever we once had died long ago, along with his Supras and Jack Wills hoodies.

Something wet and cold splashes against the toilet seat. It sounds like crystal against glass in the silence and more follow in a sudden torrential downpour.

"Please don't cry, Juni." Harry whispers. "I never meant to hurt you."

I sink my teeth into my lower lip and will myself not to fall apart in front of him. He must know that I'm beyond embarrassed right now. Is he not the slightest bit embarrassed too?