The Power of Pain

Chapter 3

Severus had no recollection of time as he stared into the dead fire. It wasn't until the first light of morning shone through the windows did he finally pull himself from his stupor. Slowly, he straightened himself and moved towards the kitchen, a small portrait hung suspiciously empty in the corner near the old and nearly empty china cabinet. He wondered to himself where his constant tormentor could have run off to. Casually, he turned the tap, the sound of rushing water nearly deafening to his ears. He winced inwardly before running his hand beneath the stream. With careful grace, he rubbed the cool water over his brow and closed his eyes taking another deep breath.

"Why did you choose her Albus?" He muttered to himself aloud. His voice rough from years of being unused; it sounded coarse to his own ears making his sneer grow larger. When no response greeted him, he slowly turned to fill the forgotten kettle. Dumping out the remains of his hospitality, he refilled it with careful measure. He turned the tap off and set the kettle on the stove. The simple sounds of his morning routine felt magnified by his sleep-deprived brain and he couldn't help but grimace. He turned the nob and waited for the flame to light, the click-click-click of the igniter drilling like a jackhammer into his skull. He could feel his temper rising with each attempt; until finally, the flourish of flame calmed him.

He had known, he had known all this time. His eyes narrowed as he watched the flame rise around the kettle, bending to the flourish of magic that surrounded his unbridled and growing emotion. He had known all this time, he had left her, helpless and alone, just as he had been. He'd given up the only chance he'd had at having redemption. True redemption.

The flames grew higher threatening the ends of his coat. He'd left her there. His jaw clenched tighter as he pushed down the overwhelming guilt that rose from the bottom of his stomach to the empty space of his cold heart. The kettle started to rattle upon its stand. The flames growing even more violent around it. Severus closed his eyes tightly as he felt a growl growing deep in the back of his throat. The control he'd maintained all these years, all these years of knowing and doing nothing, slowly coming to the surface.

His eyes shot open at once and in a moment, in that moment of self-revelation and fury; the kettle before him exploded into thousands of pieces and the window that rested before him exploded outward, the glass so heated by the raw magic he'd released, falling into pools of liquid into the back garden. The wood of the frame simply dissolving to nothing before it even had a chance to hit the ground.

It was in that moment of release, that Severus realized, it was time. It was time to take responsibility for his new life. That his freedom, wasn't free, and it was time to pay the piper. He took a steadying breath glancing down at his coat that now burned his skin with the water that had sprayed onto it from the explosion. He'd almost forgotten to feel it had it not suddenly and painfully reminded him of its presence as it soaked deeper into the wool.

He cursed inwardly and stepped back from the stove quickly turning off the burner that had since calmed itself. Moving quickly, he unbuttoned his coat and tossed it carelessly over the back of a chair. He gingerly touched the wet spot just over his stomach where the water had managed to soak through and hissed loudly. Ever resourceful, he moved to his oil cupboard and pulled down a bottle of vinegar.

Never one to worry about the thoughts of company and their opinions on his cleanliness he pulled open his white button-up shirt. He could already see the outlines of red burned skin as he opened the bottle of vinegar. He looked sharply to the side before pulling a tea clothe from the stove handle.

Pouring a considerable amount of vinegar onto the towel he eagerly pressed it to the growing burn, sighing loudly as the cool liquid immediately distinguished the burning feeling. He took another calming breath as he glanced towards the window, the sounds of the outside easily filtered into his otherwise perfected silence.