What if I stayed ?

Chapter 3

Jimmy tried to rest a little, but he couldn't. He gets up and goes to Hayal's house to pick her phone. When he arrives here the door is open, nobody is there. He goes in her room and opens the door. Her room is messy, and there nobody cleaned the blood and the razorblade is still there. Seeing her blood on the floor makes him so weak and breaks him. Her diary is open on the floor, he takes it and reads the page that was open, it was the last note she wrote before trying to commit suicide. He barely read it, he couldn't because his eyes was obfuscated from tears, he doesn't have enough power to stand.

What if ? What if this was the last time she wrote ? What is those was her last words ? I wouldn't never forgive myself for not being able to help her. Oh Hayal, how could you be so selfish ? How could you forget me ?

He cries and starts reading another page :

" Dear diary, there is something stuck in my mind lately. I can't sleep until morning light. I can't find peace. There are Only two things that come in my mind 1) leaving this house. 2) Death.

I can't leave this house because I don't have another place where to go, I don't have a job. But every second that I live here it's killing me. The reason that I can't sleep is that I'm afraid to close my eyes. I'm afraid that when I wake up I'll live another same day like the last one. I'm so tired of living like this. I'm tired of living in the way that people want me to do. I'm tired of waiting to be free. I'm tired of the same pain, burn and heartache that people are giving me in the way that I don't deserve. I'm tired of living without hope, joy, happiness, smile and light. I'm so afraid of this darkness that is surrounding me. "

She thought about suicide since a long time ago, how could I not notice it ?

While Jimmy was on his knees sobbing, someone said " who the hell are you ? " Jimmy turns his head to look. " what are you doing in my daughter's room ? " says Hayal's father. Jimmy just stares at him. He takes her diary and gets up to take the phone.

" Are you deaf ? Why are you taking my daughter's belongings ? " says Hayal's father and walks near Jimmy, he looks so angry.

" I'm here to pick some things for Hayal. I'll take them and leave in peace " says Jimmy.

" How dare you walk in my house and take things of my daughter ? " Hayal's father says that and tries to take the diary from Jimmy.

" Your daughter ? Back off sir. I'm not here to cause any trouble. "

" You're not taking anything. And where is she ? First her mother killed my father, now she didn't even came to his funeral. "

When Jimmy heard that he was so upset, he just looked in his eyes and said " Sometimes when Hayal said that she never had a father, I tried to understand her but I couldn't. Now I understand what she meant. " says Jimmy and takes the phone too and walks out but Hayal's father stops him again. " I don't know what relationship you have with Hayal and what she told you but don't pretend like you can care about her more than I do. "

" You're wrong sir, You're the one who's pretending. Look you don't know even where she is. Why ? Because you didn't care about what happened to her. You didn't care if she was alive or not. "

" Nothing happened to her or to her mother. My father is murdered by her mother, and now she didn't even come at her grandfather's funeral. "

" Your father died because of you, if you didn't leave Hayal alone none of those wouldn't happen. " when Jimmy said this it made Hayal's father so angry, she punched Jimmy on the face. " Go ahead, beat me again. But this doesn't change the fact what you've done. Because of you Hayal suffered like hell. If you were to protect her when your father tried to kill her, she wouldn't try to commit suicide, and Mrs. Selena wouldn't kill your father. She protected her, she gave everything just Hayal to be safe. "

" W-w-what ? "

" But this is something that you don't understand. How can you anyway ? This bond parent-child only parents understand. " says Jimmy and walks away.

He is bleeding from the nose. He first heads to the pharmacy, then he heads to Yusuf's house.

He is insane. He is really a psychopath, just like his father was. Oh god, I'm really glad that she went in Yusuf's house, I'm glad that she didn't meet him. She's hurt enough. I knew that he wasn't a good father or a husband, but I didn't expect him to be this shameless human being. He didn't even ask if she was ok. I can't wait to go to Hayal. I hope she's feeling a little bit better...

When Yusuf and Hayal arrived home, his family wasn't happy at all. When they saw Hayal they was shocked. " Yusuf what's happening ? " asks Yusuf's mom. " Mom this is Hayal. I guess you know each other. She is my guest that I texted you about. Come this way Hayal, I'll show you your room, you can rest . "

They looked a little mad " I have something to talk with you Yusuf. Our servant will show Hayal the room. " said his mom.

" I'll show her myself and I'll be right back. " said Yusuf. His mom isn't happy at all. They walk upstairs.

" I'm really sorry Yusuf, I caused you trouble. " said Hayal.

" No, I'm really happy that you're here with me. " said Yusuf and the smile he gave at her made her heart flatter.

" This is the room. Rest a bit , I'll come back to check you. I've two phones, take one and call me if you need anything. "

" Ok, thank you. "

Yusuf walks out of the room, Hayal lays in bed and has his phone on her hand.

Honestly all of this feels like a dream, this is a beautiful sad dream. Just for a moment, just for a moment I wish I was somebody else. I wish I meet Yusuf in other conditions, I wish he wasn't sorry for me. I wish he would take me home not because he felt sorry about that I didn't have where else to go. I wish we could run away together, so far away from here...

Someone's calling on the phone.

I should go and give him, maybe it's important. She gets up and goes to give Yusuf his phone. She hears Yusuf and his parents arguing with him.

" How can you be so irresponsible ? Is this a house or a hotel ? How can you bring a girl like her here ? " says Mr. Omar.

" Dad how can you talk like that ? She's my friend, you always taught me to help my friends. " says Yusuf.

" You're friends ? What's going on with you ? What if people hear about this ? How can you be friends with someone like her ? "

" Dad don't talk like that about her. Is she hears you I'll never forgive you. "

" Look my son, I know that you have a pure heart and you feel sorry about her that's why you're helping her, but you've stay away from her. You and her are so different, and a girl like her doesn't fit you at all. "

She heard everything, her eyes was filled with tears. She runs away from his house quietly, she runs like crazy and barely breathes. She doesn't even know where to go, and felt on the ground and starts sobbing.

I shouldn't have gone with Yusuf at that house. Look at me now, I only cause trouble, I made them fight. I can't even die. Oh it hurts so much, it hurts so much not being able to do something. What am I gonna do now ? I can't go home, my mom is in prison. It's all because of me. I don't deserve to live, every breath that I take burns me more.

She cries and screams there on her knees. Jimmy arrives at Yusuf's house. He rings the doorbell and the servant opens the door. " Hi, I'm here to see Hayal " he says.

" Can you wait a little sir ? I'll call Mr. Yusuf " says the servant.

" Come in Jimmy " says Yusuf.

" Thank you, I came to see Hayal and I brought her phone. "

" Thank you for coming, Hayal will be happy to be you. What happened to your face ? "

" oh... Nothing important. I'll tell you later. "

" oh, ok. " They go upstairs and Yusuf knocks on the door. " Hayal are you sleeping ? " he asks but nobody answered. He opens the door immediately, the room is empty.