Three Idiots and a Ghost

Miniseries: A Cat's Chagrin (Part 1 of 2)

"Just the sprinkles?"

"Just the sprinkles."

And that was exactly what the bitch got, a small paper cup filled with rainbow sprinkles. He left the ice cream shop with a stupid grin on his face. If only he kept that hideous face looking forward and up and not down to his right.

"Hey, little kitty. Where's your mom and dad?" He crouched down in front of me, but I wasn't afraid of some skinny blonde bitch, so I didn't run away.

"Probably dead under a car," I said, though to the bitch it only sounded like an adorable meow.

(Ugh, I can't believe I just used the word adorable. Allow me to go puke and cleanse my mouth from that sickening adjective use.)

"Aw, are you all alone? Do you like want some sprinkles or something?"

I assumed a few of those sugary pellets wouldn't be too bad. I licked a few off his hand. The bitch squealed like a prepubescent fangirl.

"You're the cutest thing I've ever seen! Even cuter than my moe anime girl figurines! Wait, did I just say that out loud? Whatever. You're coming home with me, little buddy."

I was so innocent back then to have so easily trusted a human. I had no idea what I was getting myself into by following the bitch to his house that day.

When a cat discovered sorcery

"Come on, Mr. Sprinkles, catch the little butterfly."

I hissed. "Fuck your stupid butterfly. No amount of toys can ever make me happy. This heart is meant to only feel anger and disappointment."

The gay one was in the bitch's room too. "Give it up, Coops. It's clear Mr. Sprinkles isn't interested."

"But, Arch, I just spent over twenty bucks on all of these cat toys."

"Forget about them. We have college essays to write. Application season is just around the corner."

"Aw, but essays are so hard. They like hurt my brain. Besides, we've been writing nonstop all morning."

"You mean I've been writing nonstop all morning while you'd gone to the pet store."

"Hey! It wasn't just the pet store. I went to the ice cream store too."

"Yeah, you're only further proving my point here. And you didn't even get me any ice cream, asshole."

"It would've melted on the way back. And you know I have extremely sweaty hands, so the cone would've gotten all soggy anyways. I was just looking out for you, man!"

The gay one stared deeply at the bitch. "Remind me why I'm friends with you again."

"Oh, I'm a pro at answering this now! It's because we knew each other since kindergarten and I was the first person to find out back in sixth grade that you weren't exactly part of the straight end of the stick."

"Why do I even bother asking anymore?" The gay one sighed in defeat before moving his focus back to the paper he'd been working on. "Ah, this essay is going nowhere!" Frustrated, he scrunched the paper up into a ball and threw it behind him in my direction.

"Screw the essays then. Let's just go to art school."

"Easy for you to say with your insane art skills. Besides, my parents would never approve of that. It's either business or medical school for me."

"Wow, it must suck to be Asian."

I stopped listening from there, then having become intrigued by this rolled up ball in front of me. I wasn't sure what it was that piqued my interest, but I found myself carefully approaching it.