% Opening monologue
Jerry: So, I'm on line at the supermarket. Two women in front of me. One of
them, her total was eight dollars, the other three dollars. They both
of course choose to pay by the use of the (pause and gesture to audience
for response)
Audience: Cheque
Jerry: Cheque. Now, the fact is, if it's a woman in front of you that's
writing the cheque, you will not be waiting long. I have noticed that
women are very *fast* with cheques, y'know, 'cuz they write out so many
cheques. The keys, they can never find in their purse, they don't know
where that is, but the cheque book they got that. They never fumble for
the cheque book-- the cheque book comes out of a holster: ["draws" imaginary
book from an imaginary holster] ''Who do I make it out to?... There's my
ID...''. There's something about a cheque that, to a man, is not masculine.
I don't know exactly what it is... I think to a man, a cheque is like a note
from your mother that says ''I don't have any money, but if you'll
contact these people, I'm sure they'll stick up for me... If you
just trust me this one time I don't have any money but I have
these... I wrote on these; is this of any value at all?''
[End monologue]
% Open at a video store where Jerry and some woman named "Elaine" are
% apparently looking to rent a movie for the night.
Jerry: What's that one?
Elaine: "Coccoon II: The Return". I guess they didn't like it up there...
Jerry: Maybe they came back for Chinese food. Y'know Maureen Stapleton, if
she gets a craving, she's probably screamin' at those aliens, "I
gotta have a Lo mein!"
Elaine: Okay, what're we doing here? I have seen *everything*.
Jerry: Oh yeah? I don't believe you've seen... this.
% Jerry shows Elaine some movie from the Adult section that's probably
% called "The Sperminator", or something...
Elaine: Oh, lovely...
Jerry: Yeah...
Elaine: What do you think their parents think?
Jerry: "So, uh, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?"
"Oh, he's a public fornicator. Yes, he's a fine boy..."
Elaine: Y'know what? This would be a really funny gift for Pamela's
birthday.
Jerry: Pamela? Do I know her?
Elaine: Yeah, you met her when we were going out.
Jerry: Oh yeah, right...
Elaine: You have *no* idea who I'm talking about, do you?
Jerry: [quickly] No.
