And so you are left soulless

Chap1; A very brief conversation

Being strong enough to stand up and let the whole world know your story is not an easy thing, but sometimes it is indeed necessary... just like the jealousy that ignites in a painter's heart when everyone gets to observe the peak of her emotions, all her own crazy sentimental momemnts with an emotionless eye in her very first art exhibition.

Note: I might insert links in specific chapters, they are most likely songs that I insist you listen to while reading.. thanks for checking it out, it means the whole world to me.. ❤ xx

Leila's POV:

another lame day is about to end, the temperature has surpassed its annual averages and i feel like everything is about to melt down including my own face, isn't it bad enough we're in August? Let alone receiving lectures from my parents every half an hour about my senior year.
In fact it was necessary for the Palestinian ambassador to earn excellent results, because now.. she's probably known all over the country for the application she has developed to help disabled and illiterate people. As serious as this sounds, i was exceptionally ordinary, neither genius nor nerdy, pretty much an average student who gets (B)s most of the times.. to be honest, I could do better than this, except.. who on earth would ruin their life studying for every single exam of those stupid ones filled with formulas that i can barely read! However, for this year I need to focus and use all the potential i have to get a 90.. I cannot afford to disappoint my parents; every Palestinian student knows how important tawjihi (that's what they call the senior year in Palestine) is for both your future And the honor of your family, i feel that i'm ready to face all the pressure that might be thrown on my shoulders especially because I aspire to study engineering in college.

As I was happy consuming the last days of my summer before the new and last school year begins, a notification popped out on the screen suddenly, informing me that a girl called "Manar" has sent me a message, I instantly remembered who that girl was! she's a former student that went to my school. As far as I remember, she's pursued medicine, I'm aware of this fact because her sister is my classmate. Studying medicine requires a person to get at least 96 in tawjihi! Why would a girl like her text me all of a sudden?
Being the anti-social teenager I am, i was struggling with my breathing as I decided to open her message, facing the weirdest "Hi, how are you doing" in my texting history. We've never really had any kind of contact in school, what is it that she seeks?
"Hi, I'm fine" I said with shaking hands against the screen,
"So, I'm a former student who went to the same school as yours, we have a mutual friend: Sophie, she told me That you don't believe in god, and to be honest, I'm so interested to know more about your thoughts, i kind of think the same, but you know how hard it is to rebel against all this when you have a Christian background and lived your whole life going to church every Sunday."
"Yeah, i can only imagine" my heart was racing as I typed those few words! I'm not even close friends with Sophie! Well.. We have participated in a technology-related competition together 2 years ago but each had her own team and project, we used to meet occasionally with our IT teacher who used to supervise and mentor us through this competition. At that time, i had huge feelings for her, she was my inspiration and hope in this stupid society, I'm not sure whether it was because she's helped me through many sensitive situations related to my personal life, or because of her amazing personality, a very successful woman with an incredible perseverance; she has stood against all the social norms for her dignity and I was head over heels for That.. Oh.. did I forget to mention that I'm gay?
It is definitely the greatest secret I hold in my heart; I live in a country where I could be killed for it so I'd rather shut up.. welcome to the Middle East.
I came out to my parents 4 years ago, there is no way i can forget how harsh it was, the words they said cut deeper than a knife and the way they reacted was terrible.. recently, they're trying to learn how to live with it, start to accept it or even be more considerate as they talk about relationships and love life with me..

"Anyway, it was nice talking to you." She said.
I don't know if i should have been more flexible with her, did I embarrass her with how silent I have been? I should be more open to such conversations after winning the ambassador thingy..
But why would Sophie go around spreading that i don't believe in god! Doesn't she know that it's gonna cause me a whirlpool of problems especially that we live in an Islamic area with very few Christians, atheism isn't even on the list and is faced with 0 tolerance..
Should I text Manar again? Why do I feel like there is something awaiting me, something related to this Manar girl..

Heeyyy guuuysss ❤ this was the very first chapter of my book! I know it somehow sucks, but it's my very first experience to write in this way.. Anyways! Enjoy xx 🌻