Painkillers

Chapter One

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1:36 a.m.

Glaring at the time, you left the comfort of your bed and stumbled through the darkness.

Why, why did you ever agree to play games with the guys? It was a question that constantly wound itself around your brain, hoping an answer worth having would come out at some point.

There had to be a reason.

Sitting in front of your desk, you turned on all three monitors, blinded by the sudden light.

Well, you thought to yourself, at least they can't see my face.

Joining the call on Discord, you were greeted with a string of warm voices, laughter and the end of a joke you wished you'd been around to hear.

This, you thought. This is why.

"Morning boys," Your voice was hoarse, still laced with sleep, but they didn't seem to mind. "Time?" Mini asked, wanting to know if you had the right to be as exhausted as you sounded.

"One thirty six." As each syllable dripped off your tongue, you could see the expression on his face transform into one of secondhand-agony.

"Oh, you poor thing." Smitty laughed. You could tell he was mocking you but at this point, it wasn't anything new. That's just how you two got along. In all honesty, you thought it was almost endearing. It was never really mockery, it was lighthearted, twisted flirting.

"Listen, Buttercup," You started, trailing off as he laughed at the nickname, "I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals."

Mini enhanced the boom of laughter. These boys were your painkillers. Despite the mess around you, the mess you were, they would always be right behind a screen, ready to absolve all the pain you'd ever known.

"What are we playing?" You asked when the laughter had died down. "Uh, we're waiting on Tyler and then I think we're playing Fortnite." Smitty assured. "Oh, right, so a new game! Something we haven't played hundreds of times, I get it now."

"Hey, if you asshats don't want to play you can go," Tyler muttered. "I'm doing my best impression of your comment section, Ty, calm down." You laughed, warmth spreading throughout your body.

"I see how it is."

1:45 a.m.

"Ready up, boys," The words came out much more cheerfully than you were feeling. At almost two in the morning, with a headache working its way into your brain, you were ready to call it a night after only seven minutes.

"Where are we landing?" Smitty asked, you could hear the silent plea in his tone. Anywhere but Tilted. "How about Tilted?" You teased, only to be met with a prolonged groan. "Fuck you."

"Maybe another day." Mini snickered at your remark, knowing full well that you meant it. The two of you had grown close after one visit to LA. You had gone over to help Sami with party planning for Mini's surprise party.

Neither of you had expected him to come back from the gym so soon, so when he came home to find you sitting at his dining room table, he was more than surprised.

He was the only one in your entire online friend group to ever see your face. And you planned on keeping it that way. It wasn't that you had anything to hide, or that you were ashamed, it was just that sometimes having the fourth wall intact wasn't such an awful thing.

Without your face plastered everywhere, without your name stuck on everything, you felt you were more like yourself. There was no reason you couldn't be 100% shamelessly yourself, you had a wall to hide behind.