Pride's realisation

The Realisation

Pride's realisation:

So I'm writing this as a record of how have I changed to get to this point in which I am basically a ruler of the world with my only love by my side.

This story is about the evening that my whole life has changed because after it I stopped drinking, doing drugs and I finally accepted that I as a person who have never felt love and didn't even think he was able

to feel such an emotion has actually fell in love.

But first as this is the first of my stories some back story,

I was born in Warsaw Poland, from a really early age I was diffrent than other kids at least on the inside as no one noticed how diffrent I was untill the age of 16.

The thing that was diffrent was that I was unable to feel longer emotions, I didn't love my parents I didn't like anything, I didn't care if my "friends" liked me or not.

Later I understood that that wasn't only the long term emotions the normal ones like saddness, anger, or happiness were also diffrent.

The emotions that I felt were this wierd crippled versions of normal ones. I didn't get angry because something happened I got angry cause I saw a benefit in that or cause that's what others would do in my situation and I realised that it was more beneficial to fit in than to stand out as a wierdo without emotions.

Later I discovered other things that were diffrent: I didn't have empathy, I had no fear of death, I was really prone to boredom (to the point that i started drinking stealing doing drugs etc just to get rid of it or it would finally kill me.)

at the age of six I tried to kill myself because of that boredom. When I went to middle school things started getting "worse" ... I started having this voice like thing that I couldn't control in my head that told me to kill everyone that I saw.

That was also the time I started developing this sadism like tendencie where I would gain an unhealthy interest in blood, gore etc. I also developed a high pitched noise in my right ear that changed volume regulary. That sound alone was enough for me to think that I'm going crazy everytime it got really loud.

But then the "Voice" or a better name would be a presence started developing and at first stopped saying kill and started saying for expamle "Take this pen and stab him in the eye" ... a while after that it started showing me images and making it pleasurable to think about diffrent ways to kill people.

In middle school I also started hearing things that didn't happen much more often (few times pre week instead of one in a year) or at least I started noticing it more.

To that also came a fact that I started becoming more and more paranoied and sometimes saw things and movements that weren't there I've also started avoiding having my pictures taken, I felt observed every time I went outside.

I also started dressing in such a way that I would be less noticable and started seeing scenarios in my head that were really unlikely to happen (from stairs that I were on collapsing through one guy with a backpack in a tram blowing up to being followed by agents of somekind of illuminati like oranisation that for some reason want to kidnap or kill me.)

Then I started drinking and doing drugs around the 2nd half of my 3rd year in middle school as this would calm down both the presence showing me ways to kill people and my paranoia.