moon-bound ♤ wolfstar

chapter//nineteen

"Get out, Lily!" Remus growled. Lily felt sick when she saw Remus's bones twisting and popping out of place to turn him into the dark part of himself, the one he wanted no one to see. "Please, Lily! I don't... I don't want to hurt you or your baby." Remus let out another low cry of pain, but Lily stood her ground despite her shaking hands. 

"No, you won't!" Lily argued stubbornly. Remus gazed up at her with those bright glowing eyes, making Lily shift on her feet uncomfortably. "I won't let you be alone."

"I have to do this alone. I'm changing before the moon," he panted, stumbling out of the bed, landing on his hands and knees. Lily did want to run, the sight was horrible. Blood was dripping onto the already dirty carpet, and she knew if he stayed she'd get hurt, she and her baby. "Only dark magic can induce this, I don't want you to be in the wake whatever I may cause." Lily swooped down and planted a kiss on top of Remus's head, casting a few more charms to secure the room even further.

"I love you, Remus. Don't die on me." She gave a weak smile and slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Remus was still twitching and panting, laying on the floor waiting for the transformation process to finally take place, but it was already taking too long. His nose had halfway turned into a snout, his hands had grown nails but had yet to turn into paws, some of his bone structure was canine and some had remained human, leaving him painfully sobbing on the floor.

He didn't know how long it was before he heard Sirius's voice on the other side of that door, maybe it was two minutes and maybe it was ten. The door opened a moment later and the next thing he knew rough hands grabbed his frail body and helped him outside, into the van. He heard arguing, crying, and fearful voices. The smell of fear was overwhelming, making his head ache with every breath in.

The moon was peaking over the horizon when they got there, herding Remus inside. But before he made it inside, the wolf finally took full control. He felt fur sprouting from his hands and he felt the final pieces of bone cracking into place, a new smell invading his senses, but it was all too familiar. But, to his horror, he lost full control of himself before he could warn any of the others. 

He woke up. The smell that filled the room made him want to go back to sleep and stay that way. The distinct and sour, rotten smell of death was lingering in the air. Remus could hear sobbing from a few feet away from him, and he could feel hands running through his hair. Had he killed someone? Peter, James, Lily? Or, Merlin forbid, Sirius? The hands in his hair felt too familiar, and he could hear him murmuring to him. 

"Sirius?" Remus croaked. Another loud sob echoed through the room, and then another, both from different people. "Who's dead?" The sobbing grew, from both bodies, and then Remus felt himself crying because he couldn't hear to of the people he loved the most crying so loudly, they sounded so weak and broken and Remus didn't know why, or what he had done. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, love, you didn't do anything." That was Sirius, and Remus couldn't help the sigh of relief that he breathed. "I'm so glad you're alive, I couldn't bear to lose you, too."

"Who died?"

"You saved my life." And that was Lily, her voice so quiet and broken and he knew who had died. Remus finally opened his eyes and scrambled to sit up, ignoring his own pain as his eyes scanned the room. They found Lily first, hunched over a limp and bloody body, tears dripping from her cheeks and onto the corpse.

"James," Remus breathed. "No!" Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and pulled him into his chest, preventing him from rushing over to the body of his friend. "Let me go, Sirius!" Remus cried, struggling to get away from his husband. "This can't have happened, it... no!" Remus finally stopped struggling and turned to bury his face into Sirius's chest. "What happened?"