I am only human... That's a phrase that has always bothered me. Not so much the phrase itself, but the idea behind it... We are only human. What is a human? What is man? A disgusting leather sack, full of wet flesh and pulsating organs. Blood, mucus, saliva, and the inexplicable curse known as The Mind.
To escape from the pangs of traffic, the torturous agony that is human interaction through insignificant small talk, this is where I come. The 'Good Mornings,' the 'Nice Weather We're Havings,' the 'How 'bout Them Steelers,' and the insufferable smiles we try so hard to make seem effortless when someone enters the same elevator.
This is where I come to feel at ease. It is so much different from the chaotic city life. Almost feels like a completely different reality, although is only the opposite side of the state, where I started my morning about 11 hours ago.
I come here to retrace my thoughts and recall every moment of my day. The four hour drive helps keep my memory focused. After getting here and breathing in the fresh sulfuric breeze and taking in the hollow silence around me, I like to begin my brain exercises with one question... Who were the first words I heard spoken today, and who were they spoken by?
A young lady held the door open for me and forged a grin as she did so. What was I supposed to do? Smile back? I don't know, I just walked in.
"Gentlemen first." She said as I passed by her. I don't get why strangers try to make jokes. Not that it wasn't comical, which it was, in a light-hearted way, but it just isn't logical. She was the lady in this situation, so I should have held the door, which I would have if she hadn't beat me to it. But I suppose she was only being friendly. We are not friends, so I ignored her. What would a normal person have done? I don't know.
As I stood in line, I tuned out the bludgeoning chatter of social interactions that swarmed my surroundings. Inching forward to the front of the line as each person, like worker bees, took their cup of honey and flew back to the colony that sent them. Such a Sisyphean crawl.
"Good morning, Leonard," the squealing words of the chipper cashier, made me regret the very day I ever told him my name. "What's it gonna be today? The usual?"
The usual... Oh, God how I hate that word. But he wasn't wrong. So far, it had been the usual sunrise, the usual alarm clock, the usual toothbrush, the usual shower, the usual shaving cream, the usual razor, the usual suit and tie, the usual commute through tedious Pittsburgh traffic, the usual nightmarish journey of finding a damn parking spot after driving up level after level, only to take the usual elevator back down fourteen stories, to the lobby and through the usual double doors... To end up there, looking at the usual face of the cashier, ordering my usual cup of hot coffee with four sugars and the usual splash of Irish cream.
"Hi. Can I please have a large hot coffee?" I replied as I usually do. "Four packets of sugar and a drop of Irish cream?"
Dumbfounded. His usual look after I order.
"Yeah, that's... the usual, coming right up. That'll be two forty-four."
I handed him exact change, you know, as usual. And, as usual, I took a sip of my coffee before smiling at him and giving him a wink of approval.
"The perfect brew." I said to him, as I usually do. "You have a nice day now."
As I walked away from the counter and back into the main lobby toward the elevators, I couldn't help but wonder... If all of these people were talking at the same time? Then which one of them was even listening? I swear, some times I feel as if people just talk to make noise.
