wake up // lil xan

citgo.

"You fuckin' maggot," he snarked, "Your dad didn't deserve to be a fuckin' dad. Your girlfriend? Laken? She came onto me, and her pussy was young and tight. How would I turn that down?"

"She was fourteen, goddammit. You're over fuckin' thirty! You're a pedophile!" I wailed.

He scoffed, "She got pregnant didn't she? That means she's a woman."

I let out a gasp, "What the fuck? You tellin' me I'm a man because I can blow my load? Fuck out here with that shit."

The shovel started to sink in too far in my skin for it to be comfortable anymore and I saw that he had leaned back on his left foot. He start rambling again and I threw my foot into his ankle, he stumbled. My fingers slid into the damp soil as I scrambled up from the ground and broke into a run. I felt sick again, but I had to push it past it until I got to Gus' house or Richard would get me this time. My feet seemed to fly down the street. I rounded the corner and kept pounding down the pavement until his house started becoming closer. My stomach churned again and I fell into a bush on the side of the road, emptying my stomach a second time. The adrenaline began to wear thin and my body felt weak. I fumbled for my phone in my pocket, sliding it unlocked, and calling Gus.

I waited anxiously for him to pick up because I had no one else to turn to. Gus was all I had, and he knew that. Almost everyone had to have known that by now, but I didn't ponder these thoughts for too long. Soon enough the phone stopped ringing and I heard static crackle on the other line.

"Dude, I'm fucked up," I slurred into my phone.

"The fuck you callin' him for," I heard Trace spit.

My head pounded, "Aw, fuck, man. I need goddamn Gus. Not your shit, bitch." The line crackled and I heard a grunt.

"Wassup," I heard Gus' thick voice rasp.

"Bro, I'm fucked. I'm in a goddamn bush in my puke and my fuckin' uncle and," then I heaved again into the bush.

I heard him mumble something, "Shit. Where are you?"

"In a bush somewhere a little into your neighborhood," I moaned.

"Got you," he said. The line went silent. I dropped my phone and curled in on myself.

The next few minutes felt like hours as they dragged, and I felt dread coil in my stomach. I hoped to god that Richard wasn't going to find me. There wasn't anything left in me to run off of to fight him off. My head started feeling light and I let out a weak yelp when someone jerked my ankle from under me.

The sunlight hit my eyes and I let out a moan, "Oh fuck, what?" I blinked and made out a blob of fiery red hair and bleached hair hovering above me. There stood Trace and Gus.

"Dude, you got so much to fuckin' spill when we get back," Gus muttered while he looped his arms under my knees and around my shoulders. My head lolled onto his shoulder and I felt tears prick my eyes while I nodded in agreement. His arms felt warm and strong around me as he laid me down in the back of Trace's truck. I pressed my face into the cloth and felt small sobs wrack my body.

Only a few minutes later we were in Gus' house and I was laying on his bed. I groaned when he flopped on it beside me and turned my head to the trashcan. Third time's the charm. He wrinkled his nose in disgust when I looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes and vomit dripping down my chin.

"Bro, I fuckin' love you, but you look awful," he laughed.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever."

Trace let out a sigh and turned around in his swivel chair, "Okay, so what's goin' on?"

"Listen, what I'm about to tell y'all is some real shit, okay? No telling anyone, not even if you change the names, and you don't get to bring it up unless I do," I paused, taking a moment to breathe, "Got it?"

They nodded their heads solemnly and murmured their agreements. I gulped down a breath of air and nodded, stalling time because I wasn't ready to recount this. I wasn't ready to relive every painful memory and tell them all about my fucked up past.

"Y'all know the Citgo on the corner of North Gaither and West Main?" I asked, waiting for them to nod.

"Well, I met this girl named Laken there almost a year ago, and she was pretty lit. We weren't anything major, but we had somethin' poppin'. Y'know? So, we were together, dating, or whatever for like a couple months," I clenched my fist and looked away from them.

"We were chillin' at my house one night and my family had stopped by. I didn't think nothin' of it because like it's my family, so what's to stress? Anyway, she goes to the bathroom and it lasts for a hot ass minute. When Laken came back in my room she was gigglin' and blushin' but I still ain't thought nothin' of it," I bit my lip, struggling to finish.

"Well, a few weeks later she comes up and tells me she's pregnant, but I hadn't fucked her. So, I'm sittin' there wonderin' who got my girlfriend pregnant when she says that it was my uncle. Apparently, she had come onto him that night in the bathroom or whatever and he fucked her," my hands were shaking as I stared at them.

Gus gasped, "Bro, what the fuck? I'm so sorry."

I rubbed my hands over my face and took in a shaky breath, "That ain't all. Then her parents found out because I told them about it. I wasn't gonna let him get away with that shit. Goddamn, the piece of shit is like thirty or so! But when I told them I was so scared and nervous I didn't mention a name, just my uncle. So when they confronted Laken she threw it on my dad because she loved Richard, apparently," my chest hurt from reliving it all.

"Anyway, charges are being pressed against my dad and Richard does nothing to stop it. He lets my dad take the fall and go to prison for this shit. So, that's it," I shuddered. Crying came easy as I laid my head back on the pillow and the room felt thick with tension.

"So, what about Laken?" Trace asked, softly.

I let out a bitter laugh, "She had an abortion. Her parents and Richard pushed her to do it. Obviously her parents wanted it because she was so young, but Richard? Not so much. He wanted it because he wanted to keep slingin' dope, but he gonna say that my dad don't deserve to be a dad. Shit, at least my dad supported me, but he fuckin' dipped out because he ain't want all that."

Gus' brown eyes were wide with shock and his mouth was opening and closing, "Diego, I don't even know what to say. Holy shit. Holy shit. I'm so fuckin' sorry."

Trace just stared quietly at the rug, "Is there even anything to say to that?"

"No, I don't think so," I chuckled.

Gus cleared his throat, "Why's he back then?"

"To remind me of what he did I guess, but I don't care. He's a piece of shit and I fuckin' hate him," I sneered.

"Yeah, I don't blame you there," Trace joked, lightly.

"Me either," Gus agreed.

I felt depressed, anxious, and nauseous. The window was streaked as I stared of it with barely any emotion left to give. The two boys kept staring at me and I kept my gaze averted from theirs. My chest felt empty, as if it was about to crack, when it hit.

"Who got xans?"

+ + + + +

hey y'all it's fuckin LJ 💔 and this chapter was one hell of a ride. so there's the tea on richard! it made me feel physically ill having to write that, just so you know.

on a lighter note: I HAVE 450 READS! FUCKIN LIT! thank y'all for being so nice and interactive w/ me!

this one goes out to lake-vibes !

remember to vote/comment follow 💔

xoxo xanarchyking💔