Oblivious

3. unlocked doors

I leaned against the sink, my hands trembling as I focused on breathing. In. Out. In. Out. I really had to snap out of this. With a sigh, I opened my eyes and used my palm to clear the mirror. I looked the same. I was still me. Nothing had changed. My hair was still dark, not long enough to hide my ears sticking out too far, and my eyes were still a dull brown. I looked closer, letting a finger trail across my forehead. A thin worry line cut it in half. I wondered if I'd had that one before.

Averting my eyes from the sad picture, I wrapped the towel around me and braved the walk to my bedroom. Shutting the door behind me, I fell back against it and surveyed the room. If anything, it was my haven, my tiny place in a world that just had turned ten shades of confusing. My phone blinked on the nightstand.

Jessica.

I had received several messages and two missed phone calls. I placed the phone on the windowsill, pretending that I hadn't actually seen it. One of these days, I would become an excellent liar. Tonight, it didn't work, and I was left feeling awful. I had all but cheated on her with my weird fantasy. She deserved a lot better.

When I'd embraced enough courage to enter the real world again, Ayden was chopping vegetables over by the counter.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"What does it look like?"

"Like you're making food..."

Ayden was a terrible cook, and I didn't trust him beyond preparing the basics.

"Yeah, I'm starving and you took ages."

"Well, I'm here now. What are we making?"

"There wasn't much in there, so I think we'll have to make this up as we go." He looked up from the cutting board and gestured at the fridge.

I was well aware, and if I hadn't been thinking about our messed up situation all day, I could have shopped for some fresh groceries. I'd had more than enough time.

"We should have ordered instead," I said after finding nothing but a few beers and a sad tomato.

"But what's the fun in that?" Ayden sent me a grin.

I stared at him, lost in his eyes. How had I not seen how gorgeous those eyes were? Light gray with a dark rim, framed by long lashes. He gave me a weird look, furrowing his brows, and I quickly focused my gaze somewhere else.

"Whatever," I mumbled, not really sure of what I was supposed to say.

"Can you take over from here? I have to study. Have to hand in an essay tomorrow." Ayden put down the knife and took a step back.

Afraid to get caught staring again, I shrugged and gestured for him to go ahead.

Half an hour later, I had managed to make something out of the stray ingredients. The pasta looked more or less edible together with a tomato sauce that I had spiced up with some beans and the vegetables Ayden had cut into uneven pieces. It wasn't the meal of the year, but definitely passable. Cooking also took my mind off things, making it easier to breathe inside the small apartment. I hadn't seen Ayden since he went to his room, which also helped. Feeling much better, I set the table and called for Ayden to get the fuck out of his room. It was almost normal.

"Awesome," Ayden said as he joined me in the kitchen. I wondered if he actively tried to lighten the mood, or if it was something else that made him perk up. I sure wasn't complaining. It was easier to deal with him if he was in a good mood.

"Wait until you taste it. Could be a mess."

"Not when you're cooking, Cal," he said, and the compliment hit me bad, or good, or whatever. I had never reacted that way to his compliments before. Apparently, I wasn't all that calm yet. He still affected me, and it was strangely unsettling.

"Let's just eat. You said you were starving."

We both dove into the task, eating like two friends who didn't give a fuck how it looked in front of the other. I realized that Ayden wasn't the only hungry one. The more I ate, the hungrier I felt.

"So, why did you decide to run all of a sudden? I haven't seen you work out in a year," Ayden said.

"Time to start then." I hoped he wouldn't press the issue.

"Whatever you say, man." He shrugged and got back to the meal.

My mind began to spin, and I found myself bursting with questions. Even if I knew he would be pissed, I just couldn't stop myself.

"Do you like it?"

"Like what?" he asked in return.

"Your job."

"What do you want me to answer? That I enjoy fucking guys until my cock aches?"

I almost choked on my food. "I guess that answers it." I shouldn't have asked. "Sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I don't know. Walking in there?" I suggested.

"Yeah, perhaps you should forget that part." His voice dropped down into a rumbling darkness. I wasn't sure how to interpret it. I was incredibly close to saying that I didn't want to forget it, but this time, I managed to stop myself. He would never know, and I would try my best to forget. I had a girlfriend, and she was just a call away. Perhaps my brain just needed to be re-wired again.

"I'll head over to Jessica's in a bit," I said after scooping up the last piece of pasta on my plate. There was no answer, so I looked up, meeting Ayden's eyes—the ones I realized I should stay away from. For a second they seemed to flash with an emotion that I couldn't read.

"Okay."

He left the table and a very odd atmosphere behind.