your experiences

34,forgive me

I wish she would...
I got to her grave...when I saw her just a tear left my eyes
I start talking with her even though I know she isn't going to give answer..
Hey beauty,how are you dear ..you know I missed you so much..can we talk a bit...I know that you know it already but let me confess it myself...I did cheat on you ..I didn't want do it really but it happens please forgive me,you remine my one and only love..I love you so much sara you already know it...
You know in this 2 month sam and Alissia cry alot cuz they missed you...l did too...Sam got so sick..but he is fine now..ALISSIA is like you alot..she is really strong and stubborn..whenever i look at her it's like I'm looking at your face..sara i missed your eyes..voice ..face..yourembrass..your kisses..the time we cuddles. ...    why you left me this soon...i never can get over you..really never...please forgive me for that mistake..
I couldn't held my tear back anymore I start crying with depth of heart..I cried so much and did even more cuz I missed her..her death is a pain which never get heal and never can be forgotten for me..I felt pain in my heart again..I just put my hand on my chest..and press a little..I got up and went to car took my medicen..I can't die this soon cuz sara gave me a responsibility I have my children..I just rest for 10 min then drove back home...even though I still didn't felt well and it was hard to drive but I did..I got to door and rang the bell..

Ayliah opened the door...I was about to fall but she held my arm..and called for mom..mom run to me and hold my other side..they took me to my bed
Karen: ayliah call doctor fast..hurry up
I hold mom hand
Me: no mom..its not necessary I'm fine...I only need a bit rest
Karen: no shawn you aren't..ayliah don't stand there call dr
Ayliah called my doctor,he came fast and did a cheek up..then change one of my medicen
Dr:Mr mendes why you don't listen to my advice..I told you  you can't get excited or sad..
Me: if you lose your love life in your own arms will you be happy?
Dr: absolutely no but I would try get over her if my life was in danger and I have sth to protect
Me:you know..I wish my place was switch with sara..
Mom was tear up and holdin my hand
Karen:don't say such thing plz shawn
I got a painful smile on my face
Me:sorry mom..you know how it is to missing your love every single day and can't see her and just wait for your own death ..so you will be with her again..
Karen:I know how you feel but think of your children..please keep strong
Dr:Mr mendes your mother is right...please take your medicen on time...
After 10 min Dr left and I asked mom and ayliah to leave my room cuz I want be alone..I close my eyes and fall asleep, dreamed sara next to me ...
She was smiling and fondle my hair,I hugged her..
Me:you are so mean cruel..you left me behind
Sara:I never leaved you honey I'm always here for you..for the most handsome husband in world
Me:can you stay here..
Sara:no shawn I have to go
Me:so can I come with you..
Sara: no honey sam and Alissia need you here...

I got tear up while i was asleep..i opened my eyes it's 2 Am..I can't sleep..so I decided to go and drink some water..I went down stairs...