Sense of Humour - Negan x Reader

◈ One ◈

"The correct way to hold that gun is one hand on the fore-end and one hand on the grip." I elbowed the man behind me in his stomach as he forced me to my knees and continued my sentence with as much contempt as I could muster. "NOT one hand on the trigger and the other on my ass, funnily enough. Don't feel embarrassed. It's a very fucking easy mistake to make."

A few of the other men let out discreet chuckles, and the one with a gun to my back fumed at my nerve. Abraham, who was knelt next to me, gave me a shove with his shoulder and whispered authoritatively. "Leave it." 

I rolled my eyes and rested my weight back on my heels to show my boredom to everyone around me. I was not intimidated, not afraid. The man noticed my display of indifference, so he leaned forward and breathed into my ear. "Just you wait until Negan shows up. He's going to fuck up one of you people real bad. I wouldn't worry, he won't fuck up your pretty face, probably only fuck it."

"Could be worse." I said, still staring dead ahead, focusing on the large trailer and not flinching away from his looming figure.

"How?" The man asked, belittlement was layered through his voice. I shook my head and stifled a smirk. Rick noticed my expression and hissed at me, leaning forward to see me from behind Maggie. "N/N. Don't."

I bowed my head and let my hair shroud my face so that none of our assailants could see my growing grin

"Tell me how you could have it worse then you do now, N/N." He said my nickname mockingly, pressing the gun to the side of my face. I exhaled steadily and turned so he could hear me as I laughed out the insults that he had inspired with.

"Well. If you took the place of this Negan, who is going to 'fuck it' as you so eloquently put it, my situation could be infinitely worse. I'd rather walk blindfolded into a walker-infested city with 'bite me' written on my forehead and a large steak in my mouth than have your mangy ass come anywhere near me. Jesus, that face! If my dog had a face like that, I'd make it shave its ass and walk backwar-"

A sharp pain in the back of my head interrupted my string of insults, and I twisted to look at the man, noting that some of his comrades were sniggering to themselves. Guess old ass grabber isn't too popular.

"What's your name?"

"David."

"Well, Davey, that was fucking rude."

He raised the rifle to strike me again, but when he brought the butt of the gun down towards my skull, I leaned out of the way and grabbed his wrists, pulling him forward so that his momentum sent him flying over my shoulder and into the dust in front of me. The second he had fallen off balance, I placed my hands on the back of my head and made no move to reach for the rifle that he had dropped only inches from my knee. I heard the familiar clicking sound of several guns being readied to fire at me and I prayed that David was as disliked as I had hoped. If they hated him, they would let me off easily. 

"Sorry about that. Reflex." I shrugged and looked behind me at the small army who had their firearms raised. The majority of them appeared amused, so I shot them a small smile. "Not my fault he's uncoordinated is it?"

David scrambled to his feet and went to give me a backhand to the face but the tall man with a moustache who had told us to kneel put a hand on his shoulder and grinned at my would-be assailant threateningly. "Now David, I wouldn't do that if I were you. You know how Negan feels about hitting women."

"Simon, that's a fucking bitch, not a woman."

I was still on my knees with hands on my head, so I leaned forward to get Simon's attention. "Now that's a perceptive man you've got there." Simon, to my surprise, beamed in the most sinister way possible. "Save the tough act for Negan. He'll see through it faster then I did. You'll be sobbing when this is over."