BLACK ROSE

5//

As if things couldn't get any worse than it has already , Eli was stuck in class. School  wasn't piratically a safe haven for this trans man but his staye in high school and excelled in every class like her was suppose to. He didn't think that he was going to be the one to be bullied. He did  nothing wrong , well except the times when he'd be too manly to be in the girl's room and too girly to be in the men's. That was a constant struggle for him that and OH MY GOD HIS T SHOT!! DID HE TAKE IT TODAY ! HE  SHOULD OF.  

Raising his hand he asked if he could have the bathroom pass and quickly made his way to the bathroom , not before stopping at his locker and picking up his medical kit and making a run for it before anyone could of happened to see him and ask any questions. As soon as he reached a bathroom made for unisex, or what the students call it  ' the forgotten'  . The whole reason for that name was because no one has used it in 40 years . That was all the better for Eli to use it , no one will come in and that was his get away in school.  

His mind was still on the car , the way her lips tasted of  grape lip balm the way she smelled like cotton candy the way it felt so wrong but so right at the same time. His hands trembled as he unzipped the bag and pulled out a razor blade , what if he ended things right then and there , would it make any difference , it sure as hell would be easy on Sophie and that's for the best right?  His back rested on the cold wall. His mind fogged and his body numb. What has he done?What is going to happen to him now ? Sophie is going to think his a freak , or maybe tell his father.

ELI'S POV 

My legs couldn't support my body any more and i fell onto the ground with a thud. I really need some Xanax at the moment , hell i needed a shot gun. Father was going to kill me , his precious baby was tainted with my lips. Oh and my mother would be even worse. I could feel the cold belt marking my skin already. Their ruthless looks at the dinner table or the amount of work i'd have to do just to earn a spot at the living room chairs. Okay maybe i'm overreacting just a tad bit. I would never sit in the living room with that  excuse for a man. 

my hands ,  though shaking , made their way to my bottle of testosterone and my two needles. i reached in for my hand sanitizer and squirted alot on to my hand and rubbed it into my hand up until my elbows . I reached for my bigger needle and popped open the green tab..........

~time laps ~

-AFTER SCHOOL-

 At lunch one of Shopie's friends, who i think is into me , told me  she was going on a shopping spree with the other plastic girls and i was so happy. I wouldn't have to sit in the car with the useless wondering what she is thinking or am i smelling bad. Things i'd have to worry about for the sake of her telling the school i smelt like shit and id have to be shitty MC-smell all year. 

I got in my car and started it just before Troy came to my car window and fucked my day more that it was already. Great just Great ......

" Hey loser " his hand stopped my window from rolling up and his goons circled around my car preventing me from moving , running someone over on the school's grounds can get you expelled and running someone over in your school uniform can get you to fail every class for the year and i was on school grounds so i had to hold my anger in. His uncle is a lawyer so i couldn't even reeve my car to get him off .  "Saw what happened on the free way"   anger boiling in my veins .  "Shopie is mine so back the fuck off , you little twat  "  his hot breath against my cheek made me  pissed.  I finally looked in his directing , my eyes coming into contact with his green ones. "What if i don't "   i don't know why that came out it just did and i wanted it back in while it  came out. I was just as surprised as Troy was. " Me , you , tomorrow morning ....i'll show you what happens when you don't listen to me " . And with that he and his goons left. The anger made my face red as a tomato. 

I quickly drove off and into a shit load of traffic,  what did i expect coming from school at 3:00 pm and into the afternoon scramble to the house for something to numb the world. Unlucky for myself i had a flask with me filled with vodka for days like today. My mind went far and i just let my body guide me. 

              I AM SHIT

                                         I AM USELESS 

                                                                            I NEED TO END THIS ALL

                                                                                             THE WORLD WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME 

My body drove to the mall and my mind told me to just down the whole flask , which i did , i have no self control but it was for the best. My mind went fuzzy and my body went numb. Everything went fuzzy the only thing i remember was walking into a store i've never seen before and then me throwing out a huge pile of clothes into the trash and waving the garbage truck good bye ..