You Decide What You Call Me (Discontinued)

Introduction

This, is a way for me to explain thoughts in a way that I know most won't understand but will respect. A lot of people feel out of place every now and then, sometimes, its occasional. In my case, I've felt this way for my entire life. Constantly find myself acting to fit in. Sometimes I overact and sometimes I'm so emotionless, people start to wonder if something is wrong with me. A while ago I decided to reject feeling unless it was needed. Reason being, my mind takes whatever I feel, and multiplies it by ten. That's why, for the ones closest to me, I seem exaggerated. It is not something that can be controlled. You do not know how hard I've tried not to laugh too hard at a joke, or cry too much over the littlest things, but, somehow there were these moments where I felt, genuine. If it be for someone or something. These moments hurt more than heal me because it makes me realize that they're limited. I won't be able to feel it every day, every hour, every minute or every second like I want to. Instead, I'm trapped in a world of make belief, a land of imagination, a room of experimentation and a home full of heartbreaks. I will tell you this now. Like everyone else, I have lied. Sometimes for good reasons and sometimes for the most horrible reasons. I've lied about everything, except how I feel. The three words that can build you are the three words that have killed me repeatedly for most of my life. It's amazing how most of the people who utter, shout, sing, or type those words to you end up further away from you than anyone else. Your best friend, past lover, family member. Having to fake a smile everyday because that's the only way to protect myself from ever feeling so low again. Having to be someone different every day because no one wants me to be "me", no matter what they say. They'll never want you for you. They'll always want to change you. Those are thoughts that go through my mind daily and they've been proven. Never in my life have I been so afraid to be myself. Hopefully this "book" helps you to understand why. If you manage to read to the end, hopefully you'll see me differently. If not...

I apologize.

Expect A LOT of grammatical errors and some serious venting.