Personal Experience

Chapter Eighteen

I jump off her lap yelling, "It's just so tempting. I wish he never threw them out!"

"Colleen! Do you hear yourself?!" she yells back. "You have a family here that cares deeply for you! What would happen to us if you cut too deep just one time?! Do you ever think what would happen to us if we lost you?!" I begin to cry harder. "You can't think that way! And if you're going to, I think it's time you got help." I don't say anything; I just stare at my bare feet. "You know, you're not the only one getting hate! We all have! Or did you skip over those?!"

"No..." I shuffle my feet while playing with my fingers.

"What's going on?" I jump at the sound of Harry's groggy voice. "Colleen, why are you crying?! Andrea, what's going on?!" Neither of us answers him, "Please, tell me!" Harry walks over to me grabbing my arms.

I try to pull away from him, "Let go of me, Harry!" He immediately let's go.

"Please, will one of you tell me what's going on?" he whispers.

"Twitter," Andrea answers angrily.

Harry sees that his phone is in my hand and takes it from me, "Why were you even looking?!"

"She wasn't supposed to see it! I texted you from Ni's phone thinking you'd still be up, but she saw everything first."

"Colleen?" I can't look at him. He quickly scrolls through twitter to see what's upsetting me. "Why am I not surprised?" he laughs without humor. "Why did you look?"

"I don't know... Maybe to see if they liked me... I didn't think they'd be this mean!" My tears pick back up. Harry steps closer as I back away.

"I'll leave you two talk," Andrea says storming back into the room.

"What's going on? Why is she so angry?" I still won't answer him. "Colleen, please talk to me!" I feel myself starting to sway and get dizzy. I grab onto the railing trying to keep my balance. The fear in Harry's eyes isn't helping; I can't seem to talk, but just stare at him. "Will you at least come inside?" I let go of the railing and stumble. Harry takes one stride forward to catch me before I hit the ground.

He places me on the bed then gets me a glass of water. I take it into a shaky hand trying to take a sip, but I can't. I place it on the night stand. Harry sits in the floor across from me staring at the ground playing with the carpeting. I still don't want to say anything, but I do, "I told her I wanted to cut again," barely making a sound. Harry's head snaps up. I take in a shaky breath, "I said I wish you never threw out my razors." He bawls his fist. "Then she yelled at me." It's his turn not to say anything, so we just sit here staring at each other.

"How could you say something like that?" Harry finally speaks.

"I just don't know."

"Colleen," he breathes deeply, "Don't you realize there are others that care for you?" I don't answer him. "You have a family here. A family that'll never ever leave you. I don't even want to think about what would happen if we lost you for forever."

I push myself off the bed into his arms causing him to hit the floor. "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry, Harry! I don't know if I can handle this! If they're this mean to me now, imagine what it's going to be like when I'm tour with you!"

"I am not going to imagine that, Colleen. Because all I'm going to think about is you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me! Please don't leave me?" he begins to cry with me; pushing the two of us up so we're sitting again. "We're your family now too. We're the ones who took you out of the U.S. so you could be with us. Don't you see how much we care for you?" Harry kisses me.