Personal Experience

Chapter Thirteen

“Harry! You couldn’t stop that.”

“But if she just told me,” I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.

Liam wraps his arm around me, “We would have stopped everything for her.”

“She didn’t want that.”

“That doesn’t mean we wouldn’t have done it. God, if the girls just told us what was going on. Kaitly had me worried sick.”

“I would have left faster than possible if she just told me. She wouldn’t have had to suffer alone. It kills me to know she even is suffering!” I yell over the rain. “My baby girl; my girl. Colleen is mine.”

“Harry, don’t go becoming an over protective boyfriend. Or she will leave you,” Liam says sternly.

“I…” I let my head fall into my hands. “How can I do this? She freaks out every time I go to touch her.”

“I saw that… And I just couldn’t wrap my head around that. The way you two were so playful with each other. Will we ever see her eyes shine again?”

“I hope to God so,” I breathe, “I’m bringing her on tour with us.”

“What?”

“Yes, she’s coming with us. I couldn’t live with myself if anything else happened to her.”

“Will that be good for her?” I shrug my shoulders. “Harry, if she,” he sighs, “If she already has some psychological issues, and don’t deny that because she wouldn’t have cut herself if she didn’t, will the anxieties and publicity of being around you all the time be healthy for her?”

“We can get her help. We could get her the best help there is,” I throw my hands in the air.

“Come here,” he pulls me into him. “You know she’ll only do it if she wants to. If you force her into something she doesn’t want to do, she’ll flip. Or worse, relapse.”

“You’re right… I guess anything dealing with ‘force’ isn’t going to be healthy for her.”

“I guess all we really can do is just be there for her,” Liam shakes his head. “When did she tell you?”

“I found out the night before you guys came over. She was acting so differently. It just scared me. I’m glad I got it out of her that quickly or we all would have gotten it at the same time.”

“How did you react?”

“I yelled…” I pull away from Liam standing up. “I got angry because I felt so helpless. I cried.” He looks at me to continue. “I cried and cried. The girl I loved got hurt because I wasn’t around. I told her I would stop the world for her. I told her I loved her,” I look back at Liam stopping my pacing, “I told her how much I love her and kissed her as hard as I could,” I laugh lightly. “I told her that she’s coming everywhere with me from now on,” I sigh, “If I didn’t break up with her none of this ever would have happened.”

“You said that,” Liam interrupts me, “And I know I said it won’t be safe before, but you can’t suffocate her either. You need to let her keep her freedoms as well. You need to show her how much you love her, but not hurt her while doing so. And what would have made the difference if you were dating her or not?”

“You have no idea how much I want to show her I love her. And if she was mine then she wouldn’t have gone out with that asshole.”

“I think I do, mate. I see the way you look at her. I’ve never seen so much love in your eyes than I have when you look at her. I see your point, as well. You know we all loved her, why did you guys break up anyways?”

“Because neither of us thought it would last… We were afraid that our feelings wouldn’t last because I would be meeting tons of girls while she just had to stay at home and watch. But now, I want to show her how much I love her. I want to be alone with her more than ever, but I fear after that nightmare she just had, it’s going to take some more time until I can be that close with her again.”

“What made you ask her?”

“She recoiled from me several times that night… And we were watching her favorite crime show; the one that’s all about sexual crimes… I thought she was just crying over the episode, but when she pulled from me again as I tried to comfort her, she freaked out. So I had to say something. Especially after seeing what she did to herself. I was already thinking of ways to ask without offending her, but, in a way, I’m glad she put the show on that night, or I probably would have never found out.”

“I’m guessing you’re going to keep her from watching that from now on?”

“Of course I am. I don’t need to see her crying more than she already is. It breaks my heart every time.”

“It breaks ours too, Haz.”

The two of us look wearily into each other eyes; the same thing on both our minds. “Harry! Liam!” we hear Kaitlyn yell. “Come on in here! You’re going to freeze to death!” she laughs. The two of us walk back into the house; Colleen walks over to me with a towel helping me dry off. Then she hands me my tea; which she warmed back up.

“Thanks, Love,” I kiss the top of her head. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Harry,” she hugs me.

Since it’s raining we all decide to stay inside for the day; watch old movies and play board games. It looks like Louis and Colleen never cleaned up from theirs last night, so we played Candy Land first. We all play on teams; every couple for themselves. Colleen also chooses the first movie, and to my surprise it's Love Actually. I need to start doing more for her. She sits in my lap as we play the game, and then gets angry when we lose. The next game we choose is Monopoly, and we all know how long this game is going to take. It’s finally my turn to choose a movie, so I pick ‘History of the World: Part 1.’ Her favorite Mel Brooks movie. I figure we need some laughs going around. Even though she’s seen this movie, I don’t know how many times, she still laughs at all the jokes. And I love seeing her face scrunch up as she laughs. I sneak in a few kisses here and there as we play as a way of making up for the way I treated her last night.

“Hey Li,” Colleen speaks up.

“Yes, Colleen?”

“Actually, everyone.” We all perk up. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys sooner.”

I can see the tears they are all trying to hide. “It’s alright, Love,” says Zayn. “We do understand why you tried to hide it from us,” he looks lovingly at her.

“It just hurt us that you didn’t tell us, Colleen,” speaks Perrie, “You know you can trust us.”

“I know…”

Louis slides over to her, “Hey now, don’t start crying on us again,” she says chuckling through his, “You’re going to make the rest of us start.” She laughs back.

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