Big boys don't cry (Be More Chill)

2

My binder was tight, but much more comfortable than my typical Ace Wrap.

I walked through the hallways of my school feeling like a new man.

With Jake at my side, I could do anything.

As we walked to class I felt Jakes hand slip out of mine.

I pretend to not notice, though I can feel my anxiety rising from the pit of my stomach.

My hands began fidgeting as I slowed down, Jake still walking ahead of me.

I pulled on the hem of my shirt as a familiar wave of dysphoria took over.

I crumpled to the ground, my breathe becoming short.

Jake slowed down, noticing now that I wasn't next to him. He turned around and walked over to me, picking me up bridal style. He carried me to the boys restroom and paused.

"You ready?"

I nodded and we walked in.

He sat me on the floor and slumped down next to me. I leaned over and rested my head on his lap as he ran his fingers through my hair. We sat in silence for about 30 minutes, when the bell rang.

"Sorry I made you miss class."

I felt awful, making Jake miss first period. Now he would get in trouble because of me.

It was selfish, and I felt tears of shame welling up into my eyes, threatening to spill over.

"Hey, don't worry I'm here because I care about you"

I stopped sniffling as he wiped away my tears.

I stood up and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Why was I like this.

I needed to be cool. I needed to be popular.

I turned to Jake.

My best friend since I was 9.

The first person I told about feeling trapped in somebody elses body.

The first person who told me I wasn't crazy.

The first person to stop calling me Raina,

The person who helped me pick out my name, Rich.

"Sorry I'm so stupid and lame."

He chuckled.

"You aren't stupid or lame. You are sweet and funny and," He grinned

"Manly"

I giggled.

"Even my lisssssssssp" I smiled, dragging out my S.

Jake kissed the top of my head and took my hand to lead me to class.

I smiled at Jake and he smiled back.

I was going to become cool just like him.