CHAPTER 2
The Debutante ball, May 24,1839
As we arrived at the front of the Astor mansion, I was mesmerized by the opulance of what I was seeing. I knew Papa was wealthy, but not like this. Every room in the mansion was ablaze with sparkling light. As we pulled up in front of the steps, I could hear music coming from the ballroom on the second floor. I have never been so excited. I could see my life before me and the people I would meet. My feet barely touched the ground as I walked along beside Papa. When we entered the building , Mr and Mrs. Astor greeted us personally. Mama, at that point, whisked me away to join the other debutantes. There were approximately 20 girls my age waiting to be presented to society. This was to be the high light of my evening.
Albert came up along beside me, he was the one to present me to the assembled crowd. He slipped a corsage of Roses on my wrist and said" smile, you look beautiful."
After the presentation was finished, the dancing waould begin. We would begin by dancing with our Fathers, then with the person who escorted us to the ball, then with others who had previously requested that I put them on my dance card. What a wonderful, magical evening I was having.
After about two hours, flushed and warm I decided to retire to one of the balconies that faced the magnificent gardens. The warm spring evening, the smell of roses, magnolias and many other flowers assailed my senses. I noticed a bench near one of the fountains and decided to rest a bit before going back into the ball. I had just sat down when Albert came up to me. He asked if he could sit with me and of course I said yes. "Are you having a good time?" he asked. "Why of course I am, I can't believe all of this. It is so beautiful and serene out here." I said. Then I remembered that he had said, before we left the house for the evening, that he had something to tell me. "What were you going to tell me, that could wait until later?" i asked.
He said" as you know, we have known each other our whole lives. Our families have been very close and our Fathers had hoped one day that we would marry and join their two families and businesses together. I spoke with your father earlier this evening and he has given me permission to ask you to marry me. I would be very honored if you would consider becoming my wife." I stood up, stunned. I said "How could you ask me that now? My life is just beginning. I am not ready to marry and settle down and raise a family. I could never marry you, we are like brother and sister. I don't love you in that way. I want to deeply love the man I will one day meet and marry. There are many other girls that would be honored to be you wife." He grabbed my shoulders as if to shake me and the sleeve of my dress tore. "Oh, look what you have done." but instead of letting me go he pulled me closer and began kissing me. I had never been kissed like that before and struggled to get away. He pushed me behind some bushes and threw me to the ground. He said" if I can't have you, then I will make sure no man of consequense will want you either."
He proceeded to tear and rip my dress and under garments, forcing him self on me the way no man had ever done before. I screamed until my throat was raw. When he had finished, he stood up and said, "now no one will want you and if you say anything you will be sorry." I rolled over clutching my stomach and suddenly started vomiting. I don't know how long I laid there untill I heard a soft voice some where near me. "Are you alright?" the voice said. Crying helplessly I choked out "I don't know, I hurt very badly." I had bruises all over me and it felt like I had been very badly beaten. The voice said "can I help you?" "No, please don't come any where near me", I am so ashamed, how could this have happened to me, especially tonight of all nights. "Can you go and get my Mother?" I asked. He said. "I can't, but I know someone who will, wait right here and I will be right back.
Shortly I heard rustling in the bushes and saw my Mother's face which started me crying all over again. I managed to choke out what happened as she rocked me in her arms. "Shush, little one, it will be alright, papa will make sure of that."
