Full of Grace (Scomiche)

Ch 5. We All Fall Down

“Not without you.” 

“Scott…” Mitch began, but he knew what was coming and he knew it was going to hurt. He knew it was going to rip him apart to hear the words. 

“I’m in love with you.” 

Scott didn’t know why he blurted it out, he just knew had to let him know before he ran away again. With Mitch he could be there one second and the next gone. He couldn’t wait anymore, not for this. 

“You told me I could have any guy I wanted, but don’t you see? I want you! I only want you!” 

Mitch looked at the floor, but Scott could see the tears sliding down his pale cheeks. 

“I can’t be with you Scott.” 

Scott felt his heart sink. 

“Not because I don’t want to be, because I-” He couldn’t say the words. He was physically unable. That almost made it worse knowing he couldn't tell him how he felt. 

He just looked at Scott. 

“Look, I don’t know why you think we can’t be together, but whatever your big secret is you can tell me!” 

Scott moved closer to him. 

“It’s better this way.” 

“No, no it can’t be. You say you care! You act like you really truly care about me. You say all of these wonderful things. You make me forget about Alex, make me stop feeling like I‘m nothing. You make me WANT you, make me fall in love with you and then …then you just LEAVE?! How are you any better than him? Is that what my destiny is? To have my heart broken over and over and over again until there’s nothing left of me?” 

Scott felt broken again. He felt like something horrible that was unworthy of love. 

Tears cascaded down his cheeks.

He could feel that comforting feeling fading away and it was being replaced by the worst feelings he could ever imagine. He could feel such hurt, pain and immense sorrow. He felt anguish and longing and horrible heartbreak.

But while he was feeling all of those things himself, the worst of it, they weren’t his feelings. No, he knew they weren’t. Strange how you can differentiate your own feelings when you’re being invaded with someone else’s. 

These belonged to Mitch. He knew they did. He looked at him, but Mitch was staring at the ground. Scott didn’t know how, but he was feeling what Mitch was feeling. 

He should have been freaked out, but he wasn’t. Though, he didn’t understand. If Mitch felt that way then why didn’t he stay with him? Why couldn’t he be with him. Those feelings told him that Mitch loved him too and that going away was killing him just as much as it was killing Scott. 

“You have to go now.” 

Scott shook his head. “I won’t!” 

“Scott, please!” 

Mitch’s eyes lifted to meet his. 

Scott couldn’t believe how much Mitch had changed. His eyes were almost the color of sand now, instead of the rich chocolate color he had stared at so often. 

He wanted to hold him. He wanted to make every bit of that pain he was feeling go away. He wanted to, so horribly. 

"Are you sick? Because, I will be here with you. I won't let you go through it alone." 

"Its not that. You have to go." 

“NO! I‘m not going anywhere.”

“You don’t understand”