Life is Strange: The Graham Theory

Episode 2: Preliminary Analysis [PART THREE]

(A/N- some sensitive content is in this chapter such as bullying, harming and other stuff so read with caution xx)

Warren listened as his phone vibrated on his bedside table.
He had been lying in bed recovering for a good few hours now, reflecting on the events that unfolded before him.
Shit.
Did that really happen? He didn't know.
What if Kate had jumped?
Warren never knew she had it in her. Then again, he knew what lengths someone would go to make themselves feel peace.
Suddenly, a flood of repressed memories appeared back in Warren's mind, which made his stomach flutter.
"Never again." He whispered, sitting up. He removed his shirt and looked at his upper arms. A mixture of silvery and red lines that popped against his skin tone shone in the dim light of the moon. He run his hands against them.
"It'll be a year clean in November." He spoke out in a whisper.
He had urges but after his mother passed away he lost all the motivation to even harm himself. His mother dying was enough of a punishment, at least that's what he thought.
He thought back to a darker time.
"Man I feel selfish." He told himself, looking towards a bottle of medicine on the bedside table. Sleeping pills. "I'm surprised they still even allow me to have them after what I did."
He picked the bottle up. "How many did I take? Twenty? Twenty-five?" He could still taste it in his mouth.
He opened his drawer and picked up a tattered notebook. He flipped to a page. 

September 5th, 2012.

Over a year ago. He read on to the passage that was written in carefully crafted handwriting:

I got accepted into Blackwell for a young scholarship program. I should feel happy but... I just don't. Most fifteen year old kids would feel super smug and excited and would feel like their entire world is in their hands, but I just don't feel that way. My mom is SUPER over the moon about it but to be honest that's the only thing I feel happy about. Seeing my mom happy for once is the most amazing feeling, even if every other aspect of my life sucks.
I hardly ever see Christopher anymore. He's just finished his training to be in the army, and my dad is super stoked about it. I know my mom, although anxious, is happy for him. It's the first time I've seen her happy since dad was in the hospital. 
As awful as it sounds, I wonder what it would've been like to be in a coma. I tried asking my dad but he said he couldn't really remember, and that the explosion made him lose a bit of his memory.I kinda think that he's lying, though, and trying not to scare me. I'm glad he didn't lose any limbs, or an eye. Seeing your dad in a coma for three months really does fuck you up though. 

Warren bit into his lip too hard, tasting a metallic flavour from his blood. He continued reading.

Mom cried every single day. She always pretended everything was okay and I knew she had to bite her tongue and keep her pride together when Toph kept to his word about joining the armed forces. Her facade was short lived though, because I saw her crying every day. It broke her. My dad back then was pretty much as good as dead. We all thought it was the end.
Mom and Toph were overly doting and at the time I guess I never really understood why, but now I realise how much it hurt me.
I always thought mom was doing the worst so I focused my energy on her, yet I ended up even worse than her.
Sometimes I look at my scars and feel ashamed. I'm destroying my body for what?
But it feels so good.
It's like a release and I don't know how it works.
No one knows I'm doing it. It's my biggest kept secret and hopefully one I'll take to my grave. I couldn't bare to imagine how my mom and dad would react. Or Toph. It'd break their heart.
Dad's okay now and I thought this sadness would be over, but it isn't. I can't explain it. It's like a sudden sense of dread, like my life is going to be over. Or something worse.
I've been having some pretty dark thoughts lately too.
I should really talk to someone but I'm scared.
So scared.
I don't know what is going on.
Maybe life will get better once I join Blackwell.