wake up // lil xan

fuck my teachers.

"No, it'd probably be for the best. I just ain't
never had someone ask me that," I responded.

He nodded, about to say something when we both saw the last person we wanted to. Trace was turning onto the street and I gulped down a breath. I kept my face calm, even while I looked down at my phone. The tired were crunching over the loose pebbles on the road and I heard them come to an almost complete stop. My heart seemed to stop and Gus' feet almost faltered, but we kept walking and Trace kept driving. The air seemed to come back to us.

"Fuck," I mumbled.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Gus yelped, frustration lacing his voice.

I turned to see his eyes were pricked with tears and I reached out to touch his arm. He flinched away from me, as if I had burned him, and his brown eyes were smoldering. I had never seen him like this in my entire life.

"Gus," I started.

"I gotta fuckin' go," he muttered.

Panic pushed through me, "Gus, wait."

"No!" he protested. "I'm not waitin'! Fuck him and fuck this goddamn town, bruh! I'm over this. Save that shit for the birds! I fuckin' love him and he treats me like shit because I know myself and he doesn't! What kind of bullshit, huh? He didn't seem to mind it whenever I fucking held him at night when he got scared of some dumb shit," he was panting and his eyes were glossy, "He didn't seem to mind it when I kissed him from head to toe! Telling him how beautiful he was," he clenched his fist, "And he didn't seem to fucking mind it when made love for the first and last time. He cried on my chest for an hour, saying that he'd never had this with a girl in his life!"

When Gus stopped yelling and looked at me with wild eyes I realized just how much Trace meant to him. This was his love that he knew full and well loved him back, but chose to not be with him. I did the only thing I could think of, and that was wrap Gus in my arms. He held me tightly and pushed his face into my shoulder, which was hard since I was so much smaller, but we made it.

"Thank you," he choked out.

"You're welcome," I shushed him. Thankfully, I remembered the Xanax in my pocket, and I tugged him away from me. I gave him a sly grin, "I got xans."

"Let's fucking do it," he grinned, maliciously.

That's how I ended up snorting three xanax off of a back porch before four in the afternoon. When I raised my head up everything seemed slower and prettier. The anxiety from seeing Trace and Gus' meltdown had faded into utter nothingness. I tilted my head back, closed one nostril off, and sucked in a deep breath through the other. The drip hit me and I gagged a bit.

Gus had just finished his lines and looked at me with his signature lopsided grin. His pink hair was flattened down and he seemed like himself again, thank god. We sat on the back porch and smoked cigarette after cigarette. Nothing was said and we just had music playing between us on his phone, and everything felt okay.

At one point my vision blurred and I fell off the steps. I barely felt it so I just let out a stream of laughter, and didn't try to get up from the grass. We kept saying dumb shit to each other, seeing who would laugh first, and it was me. Gus was staring at me with glassy eyes and just kept saying 'peep' in a high pitched tone.

I started cackling, grabbing my sides, and rolling on the ground when I heard someone clear their throat. Picking myself up from the grass, I saw the last person I expected, "What the fuck?"

There stood my uncle, at a menacing six feet in height, "Excuse me?"

Gus stood up beside me, "Who the fuck are you?"