Mei (boyxboy)

6. Li Hua

It's morning again and I get up to start our routine but something is different today. Husband is acting different. He seems softer, he's smiling at me like he used to so many years ago. When he takes the noon meal I have prepared, he thanks me and he raises his hand. I flinch thinking he's going to beat me but he just caresses my cheek. Before he passes through the door he whispers almost inaudibly, "I'm sorry Li Hua, I have wronged you." He uttered the words I have been waiting to hear for so many years. We have been married for 20 years and age hasn't worn away his looks. He is just as handsome as when I first met him at 17.

I was 17 years old and I was the youngest child of 6. My parents doted on me and let me roam freely. They stricter imposed The Rules on me, but other than that I could act however I wished. My siblings spoiled me, and I was the most naughty and rebellious of the bunch. My sisters obediently stayed at home, completed the chores and acted as docile and 'mature' ladies. I, on the other hand, loved running around outside my home and playing on the fields beyond the our land behind the house. There were beautiful hills and grassy plains to run through. I would lay on the hills and stare up at the blue skies, imagining of different worlds, and my potential future. Soon my Mama started to get strict with me. All of my sisters had married out, and it was my turn to prepare for my marriage. I had to learn all of the house-making skills *sigh*. So one day Mama forced me to clean our front yard and take care of our gardens. I, of course, started slacking off and ran to our front wall to people watch.

I was so excited to secretly watch all kinds of people pass through the road in front of my home. Since our house was located in a busy area, everyone had to go through our road to reach the city center. There were always performers, peddlers, scholars and other interesting people passing through. I people watched for 3 days before I started getting bored. On the last day just as I was about to turn and head back in someone caught my eye. A tall handsome youth was passing by. He held his back up straight and he had a grand presence that seemed to say 'look at me, I'm important'. He had a masculine rugged face, with a prominent jawline. My heart started beating faster, and I could hear my breath catch. I started to feel shy as he walked by, but he was looking straight ahead so he wouldn't see me. Maybe it was fate because he turned his head and our eyes met. There's was something magnetic about his eyes and I couldn't look away. I felt like I was drowning in his gaze, and maybe he felt the same way because he stopped walking. But soon he turned back and kept walking towards the city center, but I felt a sense of loss.

After that, I started looking forward to tending our front garden. Everyday I would look out for his figure in the passing travelers. Maybe by God's design, or purposefully, he would walk by everyday and we would look at each other. Over the course of a week we had progressed to smiling at each other. Soon we started speaking a few words. It wasn't too long before we began secretly meeting on the hills beyond the back of my land. We would speak and laugh and I learned so much about him. Gao Chen told me about losing his family and how he felt alone, I told him about feeling suffocated by The Rules. He immediately replied about how The Rules weren't that important to him anyways. He said I was more to him than just a vessel to give him children.

I fell in deeply in love with him. At first it was just a simple attraction, but after spending so much time together it just seemed to naturally become something more. I was terrified to tell him, and I didn't want to marry anyone else. I suddenly realized why I should have paid more attention to The Rules. We were forbidden to love...

But somehow I was lucky because one day when he met he confessed to me. He told me how I was the first person he felt so comfortable with. He told me how my smile made his world brighten and that he wanted to create the perfect family with me. He made me so many promises, and I believed them. We shared our first kiss under the tree on the hill that we had claimed as our own. (A/N: The picture above is of their first kiss) 

I knew it was the beginning of our future together and the thought made my heart race. 

One day, we were meeting at our hill and I was laying in his lap staring at the blue sky as I often did. We were talking about really random topics and I teased him, "You always say you love me so much, so one day if I have to go somewhere faraway would you follow me?" It was just a light hearted question but he looked straight forwardly into my eyes and seriously promised, "No matter how far you go I will always follow you." He seemed to pour his soul into that promise so I etched his words into my heart and sincerely trusted him.

He came to my parents and asked for their permission to marry me. We had to pretend that we had never met, but that was the easiest task for me. I would do anything if that met I could marry my first love. While my parents were considering the proposal my Mama took me to a Healer for a routine health check. It was then that the Healer told Mama about my difficulty in bearing children. It broke our hearts, but Mama became even more anxious to see me married. She made me swear to never tell anyone and she immediately agreed to let me marry Gao Chen.

I wasn't too concerned about it, because Gao Chen had promised me that I was more to him than a vessel to bear children. I believed that our love was strong enough that it wouldn't matter to him. So we got married, and the happiest period of my life began. Right after we got married he took us to our new home and laughingly carried me across the threshold. I protested and lightly beat his back to put me down, but my eyes were filled with love. We had a beautiful 13 years of marriage. I was filled with disbelief when he started to change. It felt like he had become a completely different person, where was the sweet man I had fallen in love with?

For 7 years I have endured his abuse. Deep down I think I believed that he would change. As long as I protected Mei I thought he would return to being the man I married. I was ready to forgive him and return to our blissful love. I wanted to believe in his promises. But time has run out.

Yesterday I saw Mei scars and it has changed everything. I can't believe I have been so blind and self-satisfied thinking that I have been protecting my baby when all this time Mei has just been hiding his pain. Even if Gao Chen repents I don't think Mei can believe in him anymore. He has lost the chance to be a Father, and he broke my heart. Even if I forgive him, I don't know if I can trust him. Every time he lifts his hand I flinch. I don't think I can erase everything he has done to us. It's just too late. I need to protect my Mei-er. I realize that I haven't been able to actually do anything for Mei these years, so at least this one time I need to give Mei a brighter future. I have waited too long for Gao Chen and I may have given Mei too many scars to heal by being selfish, but I won't let him bear anymore.

I can't wait for Gao Chen anymore. 7 years he has taken from us, but I only need 3 days. 3 days to prepare everything and then I'm going to take Mei and run. Since last night I have been trying to come up with plans to leave. I realize that if I want to save Mei we can't stay in this country anymore. This society will only lead to Mei's death, so we need to cross the border. I can't let any of them know that I'm planning anything, so once more I need to act like I don't know anything. 20 years ago I did it for the love of Gao Chen and ironically now I'm doing it to escape him.

In 3 days we run...