I Wish This Was Fiction(GirlxGirl)

[2]

"Dana, hey! Where were you yesterday?" My friend Carley came up to me, jumping.

"I-uh, ju-"

"I'll talk to you later, I just saw Kitty." Carley hit my arm playfully then ran off. My chest felt heavy, and I tried my hardest to keep the smile on my face as I passed other people.

"Dana!" I was stopped at my locker.

"What?" I snapped, and turned around quickly. "Shit." I hissed under my breath. "Hi, Travis." I brought my 'smile' back.

"You okay?" Travis asked me.

"I'm fine. What do you need?" I said calmly. I wasn't going to tell Travis anything. He had been my best friend in second grade, when I had first moved here. But six years later, I'm not really anything.

"Pencil?" He asked innocently.l

"Here." I sighed an handed him one.

"Hey, Dana." Another friend, Charlie, came up to me. Well, honestly, I have no idea why I consider these people my friends.

"Hey." I smiled. "What's up?"

"Have you seen Brilee?"

"No." I said firmly and slammed my locker and stormed in the classroom.

"Dana, can I talk to you?" My teacher, Mrs. Arianna called my from her desk.

"God, people can't leave me alone!" I groaned, throwing my head back. I guess i didn't really want to be alone, but I wanted my friends not to use me.

"Bad morning?" She asked me.

"No, just me." I sighed. "I ask for too much."

"Well, I have some news that should make you a little happier."

"Okay?" I smiled.

"I talked to all your other teachers about your grades." She told me.

"And...?"

"Well, D's and F's."

"Oh." I frowned. My face started to heat up, and I could feel myself getting dizzy.

"Except this class. You have an A."

"Are you kidding!" I shouted, my face beaming.

"No, you have almost a perfect grade. Keep it up. And work this hard in your other classes." She smiled.

"Maybe." I smiled. I hate school. I hate it here. I hate waking up every morning, bawling my eyes out because I didn't get to die. I'm done trying, I'm giving up on everything until I actually get what I want-death.

"Psst, Dana, Dana!" Carley came into the room.

"Hey." I smiled.

"Come to my locker. I want to talk to you." The tone in her voice was cold and irritated. I didn't want to go out with her. I was afraid to speak to her.

"What?" I asked, trying to hide my shaky voice.

"I don't know why the hell you're giving me these creepy looks. But they need to stop. Okay? You look at Kitty like that too, and just stop. Are you fucking gay or something?"

"No, I'm not. Thanks for assuming." I acted pissed. But I couldn't be mad at her. I was angry with myself. "I'll stop giving you the 'looks', but I don't know why I do them." I lied. The looks aren't me crushing on them. It's the curiosity of what would happen if I told them.

"Kay." She mumbled. "I'm sorry. I ju-"

"What would happen if I was gay?" I asked her.

"I hate homosexuals. They're wrong." Carley shook her head.

"So even if I was?"

"Don't worry about it. You aren't, so you're fine." She walked away, talking with her better friends.

Great. Shit shit shit.

"Okay, class, writing assignment." My teacher stood at the front of the class. "Do you consider a secret a secret if only one person knows?"

Are you fucking kidding me! I could feel my eyes throb with tears that where desperate to escape. To write about something that I was dealing with dramatically was basically devastating for me. It's not like I told anyone my secret, but what if I would? And what if I choose Carley?

"Do we have share these with the class?" I nervously asked.

"Not this time." Mrs. Arianna smiled. I blew out a sigh of relief.

"What is today, Wednesday?" She thought out loud to herself. "It'll be due on Monday. Please, don't procrastinate."

"Then why do it at all?" someone asked.

"Just do it. Don't wait until last minute, and hand it in on time." She went on teaching the class about other things, but my head was too unfocused. I've been able to keep it a secret for a while now. Well, ever since I figured out I was gay. That was when I was seven. I started thinking then about the first time someone called me out on it. That was two years ago.

I was with my friend, Stella, at recess, and we were messing around, being normal twelve year old girls.

"Oh, Stella, I love you so much!" I sang and spun around in a circle.

"Dana, I love you too. I can't be apart from you any longer. Let's get married!" We were now both on the ground, laughing hysterically. It was all fun and games. I knew I gay, but I had no feelings toward her.

Coming in from recess, I announced to the yet, close to empty class. "Stella and I are engaged!" I laughed. I then received at rather nasty look, that burned through my skin.

"Dana, are you gay?" A girl, Natasha, asked. She was one of the popular girls. The beautiful athletic girl. She had to know everybody's business.

"No?"I laughed hard. "I'm just messing around, you know!" Oh god, I hope like hell that didn't sound too desperate.

"Okay, just asking." Her attention wasn't focused on me anymore after that. Never was again.

"Dana!" I was brought back into present time.

"What?" I asked, dizzy from jumping.

"You weren't paying attention."

"Sorry." I blushed, and the whole class vibrated with laughter from all the other kids.

            Lunch came around, and I had spent the rest of the day thinking deeply about this.

I'm coming out today.