wake up // lil xan

basically.

I shook my head, "Nah, bought it off some dude."

"Lemme know if you get anymore then, I've been fiending," he said.

"Okay!" I turned back to the music.

The night when by in a blur. I was everywhere and nowhere all at once. Anxiety left my mind as I just felt myself finally be with the crowd and not away from it. I took shot after shot, I think someone grabbed my ass, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. The music felt like it was becoming one with me and I loved it. I loved being alive, for once. Kim and Chelsea kept me close to them all night, but mentally I was dwindling to someone I didn't even know. Chelsea seemed to be loving every moment of me taking off my shirt, and clambering to the top of a table, and screaming lyrics along to Ignition - Remix by R. Kelly.

Kim on the other hand, seemed more suspicious and worried for me. I avoided him more than I'd like to admit, but I just didn't want him to judge me for what I did. I was just tired of the anxiety and doubt of myself, and I finally got rid of it, if only for one night. Maybe I could explain it to him better when I was sober, but I didn't know.

Time and worry were nonexistent as I stumbled through the crowd, watching as streaks of purple and red caress everyone's faces. I walked upstairs to find a bathroom, and the first door I opened was an occupied bathroom. Gus had a short, black-haired girl shoved onto the counter. Their lips were connected, and her black lipstick was smudged onto his mouth. He had his hands on her hips, tugging at the fishnets encasing her figure, and it was a beautiful moment. Other than me having to piss.

"Gus! Hey!" I laughed.

He broke apart from the girl on the counter only to laugh at me, "Bro, what do you need?"

"I gotta pee," I explained, shoving past them to get to the toilet.

The girl slid off the counter, "I'll let you take care of him."

Gus shrugged, hopped on the counter, and shut the door behind her. He gave me a lopsided grin.

"Alright, Diego, you owe me for that one," he arched an eyebrow at me.

"Uh, what?" I slurred, zipping up my fly.

"You just made me lose that girl, now you gotta help me find someone else," he explained.

"Okay," I shrugged. He took my hand and tugged me back into the sweaty crowd. We lined ourselves up on the wall, and surveyed the crowd in front of us.

"Who you thinkin'!" I yelled over the music.

"How about him?" Gus pointed at a boy with curly hair and a crop top.

"Him?" I questioned.

"Yeah, man! I love guys and girls!" he smiled.

I smiled back, and I hoped I was reflecting the sunshine that seemed to pour out of him, "That's cool as fuck! C'mon!"

Pushing through the crowd, I finally made it to crop top boy, and he knew how to dance. I tapped on his shoulder and he turned to me with smoldering green eyes, "Yeah?" His voice was strong and sure over the music.

"Do you like boys?" I questioned.

"Yeah, I do! I'm fuckin' gay!" he exclaimed.