If You Think That I'm Wrong(Mikey Way)

Five

"Hey man, you okay? I heard you from down the hall last night" Ray said when Gerard entered the kitchen one morning; it wasn't exactly morning though, it was one pm but we all went to bed at four because we lost track of time due to my hyperactive mind convincing the guys to stay up and finish my favourite song off the record that was eventually going to be scrapped because it "didn't suit the concept" which made me upset but I understood since it was resolved around death and this specific song wasn't exactly about that.
"I don't know, it was weird" he shook his head and came beside me, kissed my head like every morning-he still never grew out of that-and sat down beside Frank who was half asleep with his finger in his coffee for a reason I didn't understand.
"What do you mean?" I asked crossing one leg under the other under the table and taking a sip of my coffee.
"Like, like it felt like someone was choking me y'know, gripping my throat and squeezing it and I couldn't wake up but it felt so real and I didn't know what to do so I screamed but I guess I did it out loud and when I was able to wake up I was like, like gasping for air a-"
"Awe I'm sorry I didn't mean to choke you that hard" Frank giggled, clearly not taking the situation seriously which resulted in my brother moving across the table beside Bob and flip him off.
"Anyway, continue" Ray said taking my brothers old seat.
"Not much to it" he shrugged picking at his nail polish.
"So you felt like someone was choking you, you couldn't wake up" I repeated, kind of confused.
"Sounds like a night tremor" Ray stated making Gerard shake his head.
"They're not like tremors they're, They're these terrors"
"Wait, So this has happened before?" I asked; he nodded and tapped his finger against the table.
"For a couple nights now, a-and sometimes I-I see flames and sometimes I see people that I love dying a-"
"Wait what?" I asked.
"Yeah like, like I see nana in these terrors, and you, and like, you guys and Brian, and mom and dad and you guys are in some house and it's on fire and" he shook his head and tugged on his hair in frustration; Bob rubbed his back and gently took his hands out of his greasy locks and we all sat there in silence until he spoke again.

"Should I talk to Brian?" He asked making me bite my lip; I had built up enough courage and was going to bring up wanting to see someone for these hallucinations I've been having but my brother's night terrors were more important so I didn't say anything. I would just have to keep self medicating and hoping no one would notice my medication bottle was becoming empty in fear they'd send me away or even think I was doing it out of attention.
"I would think so, maybe even have a recorder beside you and when you wake up from it, record what you felt and saw" Ray suggested making him nod.
"I'll do that for now, if it gets worse, I'll tell someone" hallelujah! My prayer was answered! I get to ask for help without seeming like I was begging for attention but just as I was about to open my mouth, Frank burped and the topic changed so me being me, decided to ignore it, assuming it could just be from the amount of pills I take before bed and got up from the table and exited out the back for fresh air seeing as it was sunny and remotely warm for it being late January; then again it was the west coast so it was always more warmer here than Jersey and New York.

"How do you feel about sticking a laser in your eye tomorrow?" Gerard asked sitting beside me in the practice space; I shrugged and picked my already-short nails.
"Nervous but these need to go" I said removing my glasses and cleaning them with the bottom of my shirt before putting them back on.
"Sixteen years is long enough. I don't even remember what proper vision is" he chuckled and nodded.
"Feels great to see past five feet" he teased making me roll my eyes.
"You're a prick"
"You love me" he sang; I searched for the paper with scribbled lyrics and shoved it in his face, giggling.
"The title describes how I feel about you" I stated, smirking as he read it.
"Wow okay dick" he said throwing it back at me; I giggled and folded the I Don't Love You lyric sheet, setting it on top of the other lyric sheet pile as everyone came into the studio when the doorbell rang and Frank answered which allowed Brian in and we all gave each other confused glances because we weren't planning on seeing him or him coming today at all.
"Go change, all of you, you look like bums and you aren't going out like what" he instructed making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion.
"Huh?"
"Today's an off day, I spoke to Rob and he said I'm allowed to take you guys out of here since it's been two weeks and you don't even know what the fuck LA looks like so it's kinda like a pamper day. You can buy shit, we can go somewhere we can-"
"Go to a hair salon?" Gerard asked, smirking making Brian look at him.
"Why? Your hair was just dyed"
"Yeah well I wanna cut and dye it again" he stated making me shake my head.
"Black? You know you can box dye it" I told him.
"No, I wanna dye it white"
"Oh god" I mumbled rubbing my temples.
"You mean blond?" Brain asked.
"No, white"
"Like, white, white?" He asked, kinda confused which made me laugh; yes white. It's Gerard, what else would you except from him, fire truck red? On second thought, that sounds like a Gerard thing.
"Just get ready" he told us which made Frank immediately run upstairs towards his room; all I could do was giggle as I stood up and followed everyone else. They've been wanting to leave since our third day; I've been wanting to leave since we got off the plane.

I got to my room and closed the door, looked in the mirror and sighed; my hair was boring. I've been wanting to change it up for a year now but every time I go to the salon, I walk back out with the same hairstyle as before. I want it short and dark; kinda like my temper and personality at the moment but I just don't know exactly what it is that I want. Gerard said to go black and grow it out but I don't want to be a mini Revenge Gerard; I want to be me, Mikey Way. The unimportant Way brother. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother with all my heart but sometimes I wished we weren't in the same band because all the focus is on him and I get shoved to the side as his bass playing kid brother; yes I was being selfish because he was the lead singer meaning he'd have more attention but sometimes, just sometimes I wish people asked me how I cope with certain things, give me time to give advice I want to give kids, ask me what I want to say in interviews. I'm only the silent awkward one because I know Gerard always knows what to say so why bother saying anything? Why bother telling anyone anything at this point if my thoughts and emotions will only get set aside so Gerard is the main focus; only thing is, I know if my brother knew how I felt, he'd make sure it changed but how could I do that when he loves it? I love him too much to make him change.

"Mikes do you have my Green Day hoodie?" My brother called taking me out of my train of thought. I sighed and put on a Thursday hoodie and grabbed his Green Day one, opening my door and tossing it out before closing it when his hand stopped the clicking sound making me roll my eyes and put my glasses back on.
"You seem off" he commented, zipping the hoodie up over his Black Flag shirt; I only shrugged and ruffled my hair a little, looking down and deciding I looked decent with the jeans I pulled on this morning and looked back at him.
"Mikes, I found you asleep on my floor the other night"
"It was hot in my room" I mumbled, bitting my thumb nail.
"Mikey"
"What?" I snapped, taking him by surprise.
"Okay calm down, I-I was just asking you a question"
"Well I'm fine. Besides, Brian is calling us" I said changing the topic when I heard him calling my name; Gerard gave me a confused look and I furrowed my eyebrows.
"Let's g-"
"No ones calling us" Gerard stated making me roll my eyes.
"Yes he is let's go" I said walking out of my room.

Thankfully he followed and we headed down the stairs to see Frank, Ray and Bob were already dressed for the day but Brian wasn't there; my assumption was that he was calling someone on the phone outside.
"where's Brian?" I asked jumping off the second last step.
"Outside, why?"
"Oh he called me" I shrugged.
"He's been outside since we came down here" Ray commented, semi-confused which made Gerard look at me oddly.
"No he called me. I heard him, I know his voice I'm not insane he said Mikey let's go" I defended; I shook my head in panic, if Ray of all people didn't believe me, I was going insane and I refused to accept that. I wasn't insane, I was sane. I was the most sane within the five of us.
"Guys let's just go" I rolled my eyes and walked outside where Brian was in the van on the phone. I knew the conversation wasn't over but I refused to talk about it before going out; I didn't want to spoil my mood anymore than it already was so I hopped in the back of the van and happily waited for my brothers so I could have a somewhat normal day in the big city; not big apple. I missed it but wanted to explore more.