Ruby's Bad Boy

Mermaid

It was hard to believe that I am who I am.

My morning are always the same, so are the afternoons and nights. I looked around my tiny room and sighed in content, everything in my room was a bright sunshiny yellow. I loved the positive vibes that the color yellow gave me, it made me feel so happy and like nothing could go wrong.

But, almost too soon I was ripped out of my joyful mood by hearing my dad's groggy voice yell from downstairs. It was just my dad and I anymore because when I was just born my mother had left us. I never could understand how you could look at such and innocent little baby and just walk away. I shook my head in disgust. I would never forgive that woman.

Not only did she put me through sixteen years of hell, she hurt dad worse than me. I never knew Jasminka so there wasn't much taken from me, but dad? He loved her. He would have done anything for her, he would have died for her, and you know what she did for him in return? She ran. She ran away from the life they built together just to be some sidewalk stripper.

I don't have a mother.

Despite my inner turmoil, I am a very happy person. It's just so hard to not be happy when I am alive and breathing. I might not have a mother, but I had an amazing father.

"Ruby?" I heard his questioning voice sound from behind my door.

"Sorry dad!" I shouted back. When I was little I wasn't always as cheerful as I am now. I used to lock myself in my room and never come out. I locked myself in the bathroom one day and almost never came out. I remember the awful smell that radiated from me so I had decided to take a bath. The bath soaps lined the counter tops and my clothes hung from hooks on the back of my door. Jasminka had just stopped by demanding to see dad. I looked up at her with my big brown eyes and cried.

"D-don't you wanna see me mama?" my lip quivered and my heart wrenched.

"I don't even know who you are, I never had a daughter." She ended and pushed me to the ground and stepped over me. I, as a nine year old little girl, sobbed for a whole week. I wouldn't eat or sleep. It had just hit me that I never had a mother. Dad had demanded I bathe so I did.

As I sat in the warm water, my knees pulled to my chest. Huge sobs wracked my tiny body and I stared lifelessly into the now murky water. The last thing I remember was deciding to be a mermaid and never come back so I stuck my curly head under the water and didn't come back up. I heard my dad pounding the door screaming my name. I had forgotten the water faucet was still running. I was going to be a mermaid and no one was going to disrupt my happiness. My father burst through the door screaming and crying.

"Ruby! Fucking Jasminka! I could kill her right now!" he sobbed clutching my body. I coughed up water and wailed more. That was the day my dad ruled I wasn't allowed to lock doors anymore.

After that I knew I was responsible for my own happiness and no one else should be responsible for my sadness. I didn't need to weigh anyone else down.

My dad since that day has become more zombie like and I hated it. But just because I hated it didn't mean I didn't understand it. When I saw who he was becoming I never questioned it we just both went on with our lives coping in the ways we knew how. The strange men he brings home scare me and honestly I wish he'd stop, but it doesn't matter because I know when those times are and I chose to not be home.

I heard rustling down stairs so I carefully made my way down, slipping on my daisy yellow sweater.

"I told you Jerome! Money now!" I heard a young, gruff voice say.

"I'll have it tomorrow, I-I promise!" I heard my dad reply shakily. My dad never has friends over during the day. I walked into the kitchen opening a jar of peach jam smearing it on my cinnamon bagel. This wasn't the first time I overheard one of his 'private' conversations.

"You know Deepika doesn't take promises," the voice growled. There was a sound of glass smashing and then the boy had stormed out of the study. He had walked past the kitchen and saw me. I smiled brightly at him. He just stood there glaring at me icily. His eyes were artic blue and just looking at them made me see through him.

"Hi! I'm Ruby!" I walked towards him bringing him in for a side hug. What can I say? I'm a hugger. His eyes got wide with surprise before he growled and pushed me back. He stomped toward me stopping a few inches in front of me. He stepped closer looming ominously over me. It was his tactic, he was trying to intimidate me, scare me. The thing is I saw past it. I saw past the leather and the chains, I saw past his dark skin and persona, I saw past the bad boy act. I stepped closer showing my confidence, showing him I wasn't afraid.

"You don't scare me," I said, my voice strong, "Nothing scares me."

"That's dangerous, Ruby," he said staring into my brown eyes. "I'm dangerous, Ruby." 

I smiled sweetly up at him.

"I don't believe you." I said and waltzed over to the fridge, returning my yummy peach jam to its home, "Are you going to tell me your name or...?" I sat right in front of him biting into my bagel once again savoring the taste of the delicious cinnamon.

"Why do you smile so much?" he questioned frowning. His question just made me smile wider.

"I'm happy."