ASUNDER (I) : tmr newt

67: I'm Consuming and I'm Consuming

"I didn't tell him about Dawn," I begin.

"But you wanted to, right?" He asks, sighing. "I don't get why you don't want people to be friends with you."

It's different now. I'm trying to be friendly. I talked to Dawn when I saw her sneak out of Minho's room. I suck out Leo when it all got rough too. Really, I'm trying my damndest. All just to spite Dave, for saying I didn't trust people.

Trusting people is the bravest thing I've ever done.

"I do, I'm just..." this is really not the time for me to be at a loss for words. "Shuck, I can't explain it. I'm really shucking sorry."

"Just, stay away from me," he pushes past me, and this time it is my turn to grab him. And I do, even though it's hard. Burning hands reaching for pure skin. I am a ball of fire, seeking to be extinguished. It is not in my nature to care. My body is not one which reaches forward with its arms spread looking for something to hold. I consume and I consume and I burn and I destroy. It's so hard to grab David and attempt to build something.

"No, I'm sorry," I begin. "Please, Dave, I'm sorry."

"Sorry that you upset me?" He turns back. "Or sorry that I'm upset?"

Those questions are the same thing, and I don't know how to answer him. He shrugs himself out of my grip, walking further away.

"No, I just," I can't reach him to explain I have changed. That I am different. "I didn't tell him about Dawn and Minho, even though they are shacking. I didn't tell him about Ben. I kissed Gally, but I don't give a shuck about him."

"I could care less about Gally," he begins. "I could care less about you liking me too."

"Then why are you upset?" Finally, the anger roars out of me, where it belongs. It blows down the Glade, and the Walls and all the Gladers until it is Dave and I, staring at each other.

"You are addicted to trouble." He says it with such finality I believe him. "You like Gally because he is dangerous and volatile. You fight people, because you crave the rush of violence. For some reason, you throw yourself headfirst into trouble over and over again, and I want nothing to do with it."

Now he wants nothing to do with me? I am not even sure if I like him, but he is shoving me off like I'm nothing. I'm not nothing. I calmed down because I know my behaviour is pissing him off and he has the audacity to shove this back onto me?

"I didn't ask you to help me," I begin. "I didn't ask you to pull me out from the crumbling Homestead, or tell Gally you stole the screwdriver, or be there for me, and I certainly didn't ask you to kiss me. You shove yourself into my life, demanding I be different, and then you shut me out?"

"That's the thing, you think help is something you need to ask for," he storms closer to me, until he stares down at me from high above me. "I didn't do it to make you owe me."

"Not intentionally, but that's what you did," I reach forward to shove him away, but he grabs my hands.

"Take some blame." He orders it and I fight the urge to spit in his face.

"Only if you share it."

He lets my shaking fists go, huffing. We are both struggling to breathe, and I don't know what is happening.

"Stop pretending you don't care about me," he begins.

I shake my head, my red hair flaming out around me. "Shucking make me."

He kisses me, and this time I kiss him back. This burns at my throat. He pulls me in tighter and closer to him, trying to make my skin become one with his.

"I love you," his words are simple and soft as he breathes them into me.

I can feel myself pulling at his shirt, trying to remove it. I continue to kiss him, ignoring his words to the best of my ability.

He carefully unbuttons the fabric, afterwards doing the same for mine. He slowly moves us, pressing my back into the ground beneath us. His hands rake up my skin, his nails digging feeding into me, and I find myself matching his movements.

Forget building, this is a beautiful destruction.

~~~

Well, this is dangerously close to the end. Why can't Michelle just pick one of them. None of this can be any good.

Do you like Dave? Or do you like Gally? I'm still out on this one. I can't choose.

I'll see you soon in Ella and Flashing in and Out