Build-A-Boyfriend

38

"Um...Harry?"

I've been struggling to open the front door for several minutes and it takes a hard shove for it to finally swing back. I peek round the edge to see the cause of the blockage and when I spotted the little untidy pile of shoes, I can't help but sigh. There goes my quiet night in.

It's not exactly hard to work out who a tatty pair of flip flops, some extraordinarily embroidered boots and a pair of stylish Chelsea boots could belong too.

Sure enough, as soon as I open the living room door I'm greeted by the sight of Niall, Louis and Zayn. Niall sprawled on an armchair while Zayn is laid casually across my bed. Louis is watching with extreme interest as Harry sets up his laptop.

"Then I just put the thingy in the thingy hole and that will power it up..." Harry fiddles with the power lead for a moment before glancing up and catching sight of me. His face widens into a happy grin.

"Hey... What's going on?" I address this mainly to Louis, who looks a little red eyed as he toys with the edge of his tunic.

"Forgive me sweet maid, it for seems I have become a frequent impostor on your kindness. I merely sought a few hours of good cheer amongst my fellow brothers-"

"Effie has got a new boyfriend." Zayn cuts in, sounding bored.

"Oh, Louis, I'm so sorry." I look at him sadly as he twists his little velvet cap between his hands.

"It's ok, I've had an idea!" Harry says proudly. I try to keep my face neutral, sensing immediately that whatever idea Harry has had will be absolutely terrible and the worst possible idea.

"Yeah... Harry's put him up on a dating site." Niall drawls, stretching and kicking Dave off the edge of the chair in the process.

"Um... Is this really such a good idea? I mean the end of the trial is in two months, maybe we should be focused on-"

"Alas, perchance you are right, my dear lady! But if I have just two earthly months left, I should wish to spend them in the heady balm of love, in the flush of romance, in the sweet-"

"Basically," Niall yawns, "the little dude wants to get laid before he dies."

"How dare you! My mind is pure, my heart is noble! I think not of carnal desires, base creature." Louis sniffs.

"Dating sites though?" I sigh, gently pushing Dave to one side as I hang my coat up.

"Yes." Harry nods. "They're these sites where you-"

"I know what they are." I groan. Zayn snorts and rolls his eyes.

"Did you want me to sign you up too, Zayn?" Harry asks politely.

"What?!" I stare at Zayn in suprise. "You're single too?"

"That's right baby girl." He smirks. "If you ever get bored of Cinderella and want to see how a real ma-"

"Urgh. Shut up."

Zayn laughs at me before answering Harry. "Nah, I don't want signing up to your crappy sites. I'm done with all this romance bullshit, it's costing me a fortune every week as it is."

"Why?"

"Kathy agreed not to tell the factory we'd split, but only if I paid her." He shrugs. "I have to pay tripe on the weeks when she has to attend Dream Factory reviews."

"Oh my god, what a bitch! She's making you pay to stay alive?"

"I'm touched you care so much, baby girl." Zayn drawls. He pulls a cigarette from behind his ear before catching the look on my face and lamely putting it back.