its nights like tonight that i wonder how you sleep okay knowing you broke my heart. its night like tonight i wonder if you even know you broke my heart. its night like tonight i wonder if you know you're the first person i let in, the first person i let get close to me. i wonder if you know how used i feel, how alone i get sometimes because my pillow isn't your chest and the constant reminder is when i open my eyes to search for a body that isnt there. i wonder if you realize how you made a happy young girl age years ahead and wish to never love again. i wonder if you notice how badly you have destroyed my trust in anyone because i left all mine in you. do you understand my heart beat for you? every time id see you and it would stop. and then one day i stopped seeing you and it kept beating and beating until it flew out of my chest and you had it in your hands, shattered. do you know the destruction you caused? how i cried so hard i almost missed a dentist appointment because i was sobbing so hard i could barely get a breathe in? did you know ill never go back to the movie theater where we went on our first date because i still see you and i in the lobby, in the parking lot, in my moms car, on the couch. i dont sit in a corner of the couch because you occupy the cushion of my brain and i want you to leave. get up and leave like you did to me. its nights like this when i wonder if you ever cared about me at all... after all, do you hurt someone you care about so deeply they doubt everyone else around them? its nights like this i wonder why i miss you and your excuses. the days and nights id beg for a phone call and you wouldn't answer. the weekends id ask you to hang out with me, but you would have other plans. its nights like tonight i wonder if you know we would be 'us' for a year in about two months. do you remember my birthday like i remember yours? do you remember what i smell like? my perfume i stole from my moms drawer while you were on the phone? do you remember the inside jokes we have? do you remember how we high fived after we kissed, like elementary schoolers? do you remember my name? sometimes i think me and you never happened. maybe i just hope you and i never happened, but then that would make me crazy(-er than i am) and i dont know if a world without you is better or worse because im stuck here alone in my room wishing i was laying back in your bed asleep and safe in your arms and it hurts me to think we were once that but it hurts me more to know we'll never be that again.
⁃ im so sorry.
YOU ARE READING
thoughts of nothing.
Poetryover a course of about a year, ive been writing and writing and writing to make a book. in a very juvenile way, i needed space on my phone and all these were just chilling in my notes, so enjoy my raw thoughts and feelings. enjoy. stay safe.
