I nervously sat in my friends' boyfriends' black Volvo. I'm at the brink of tears when I slowly exit into the night and quickly enter his car that is parked less than a block away from my house. A single street light shines on us, but his car is turned off so it's too dark to see his blue eyes and similarly nervous expression. He rubbed his hands against his mismatched shorts over and over and over again waiting for me to begin talking.
I began my defense as if I was a lawyer and my client was our relationship. I asked questions, wondered what was wrong, what I could have done. I explained what I knew I had done right and reminded him of my history of relationships compared to his; I purposely did not mention my track record of unhealthy experiences as I knew it would not help my case.
He began his explanation of how I was not good enough for him. He was not so direct in this way, but everything he wanted from this relationship was things he knew I could not provide him. He basically asked me to change for him in order for this to work. I agreed to do my best.
Desperation clouded my logical thinking and took away all of my self-worth. At this point, I would have done anything to not be lonely again.
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
Denial
Não FicçãoThis is a snapshot into one of my relationships showing the happy times and the struggles I faced. At the time, I considered this my first healthy relationship, but as you will see, the moments of bliss prevented me from seeing how unhealthy it was...
