Head Is Not My Home

Our Hearts, Your Heart's At Stake

Natalia didn't know how they were caught. No one spotted one of them in the hallway, they didn't react to each other in public, her training performance didn't change. She wasn't called upon to see Alexei Shostakov or move forward with her marriage. Perhaps the Winter Soldier knew what happened. But one night, without warning, her door was broken down.

The violence was unnecessary – it wasn't as though any agents were permitted to lock their doors. She always wondered, after, what they would have done if he hadn't been there. They were discreet and didn't see each other every night. But she supposed they had checked for him elsewhere first. Perhaps that was the problem.

It wasn't anyone she knew, breaking down her door. Just soldiers. The Winter Soldier reacted to an attack the way he'd been trained to, the way they were clearly expecting him to. Someone fired something and he went down, an electrical shock coursing through him. While the rational part of her brain expected no less from them, she was upset by the sight.

"Leave him alone! It's not his fault!" she shouted, grabbing at the man who was clearly in charge.

He pushed her aside roughly. "I think, from now on, you let me worry about my soldiers, Little Natalia," he told her.

His soldiers? She looked at him sharply. There wasn't anything on his uniform to indicate his rank. Just his general air of authority to indicate he was in charge of these men. He hadn't even given any orders. The others grabbed the Winter Soldier and dragged him from the room, and she was surprised to be dragged along as well.

They were taken to an unfamiliar room, but the chair in the middle was similar enough to one she knew for her to guess its purpose. The Winter Soldier was strapped into it as he started to come around. "Natalia," he murmured, looking at her.

She resisted experimentally but the soldiers holding her knew their business and she would not easily escape. Not without hurting someone and getting them into even more trouble. So she took a deep breath to settle in. She could endure this. It was happening to him and she could bear witness to it.

"She belongs to the Red Guardian," the man in charge told the Winter Soldier coldly.

"You think she belongs to anyone? Then you are as foolish as the others, Karpov," he replied, not looking away from her. She wanted to smile at the statement but couldn't.

Karpov, apparently, snorted. "Well, you'll soon forget all this." He nodded toward a man in a lab coat standing near some kind of control panel.

Natalia ignored them and continued to watch the Winter Soldier, well aware that this might be the last time he looked at her like this. He didn't speak again and she knew better than to do so, but they didn't need to. She knew what he was thinking, feeling, and hoped he could tell she felt the same way.

When the chair leaned back and he screamed, she tore her eyes away and didn't stop the tears that came. The screams went on and on and she couldn't understand how everyone could stand there impassively. How he could keep this up without passing out. How she couldn't move to stop them.

Finally, finally, it was over. He sat up, silent, shuddering occasionally, and stared blankly ahead. She remembered the first time she'd seen him. The room did not hold any interest for him and he didn't look at her, or anyone else.

"Good morning, Soldier," Karpov said.

"Ready to comply," was the monotone response.

Karpov smiled. "Good. We have work to do to prevent... distractions in the future. Take her away," he added to the other soldiers.