Head Is Not My Home

I Reveal Nothing, We Both Play it Fake, Pretend Not to Worry

Ivan, whom she knew, was yelling at some woman. Whom she also knew, but didn't have any positive feelings towards as far as she could tell. The Winter Soldier – she liked him, definitely. Was a little perplexed by his behavior, but that could probably be explained. And Ivan, obviously she liked him. He was like a father to her probably. What about Alexei, the man she was supposed to marry? She wasn't sure. She couldn't picture him.

"She is one of my agents and you forget yourself, sir," the woman snarled venomously as she opened the door to her office.

Ivan was glaring at her, out of breath from whatever he had been saying. "She will not be yours for long if you treat her this way. She is no... no brood mare to be sent out to stud."

The woman drew herself up. "Our agents are not trained for such lowly purposes. He is a well-connected young man and she will be able to gather invaluable intelligence by playing as his innocent wife."

"Does he know?"

"That she's an agent? Yes, he will be briefed. It need not be more than a political marriage."

That seemed to calm Ivan down. "Good. Stop messing with her mind. She is perfectly capable of maintaining a cover without his machinations. I don't know why you would subject your prized Widows to something so barbaric."

"We all do what we must," the woman said dismissively.

Ivan held out his hand to help Natalia to her feet and led her slowly back to her room.

"How have you been?" she asked as they walked.

He looked at her a little sharply. "Just fine, my dear. They're keeping me busy. I hear you're doing well."

"Yes, I learn the dances very quickly. I mean, I complete the assignments they give me quickly. Faster than the others."

"I'm glad to hear it. And not at all surprised, of course," he added with a wink.

"I haven't seen you in a long time," she stated after a pause.

He considered. "No, it has been a while. Several months. I don't think they want us seeing each other. Might decide to defect and do our own thing after all this great training," he joked, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "But they keep me updated on your work and I'll do my best to find you when I can."

She nodded, vaguely, aware they had stopped in front of a door. Her door, probably.

"Get some rest. Things should make more sense when you've slept. Hopefully they don't do this to you again," he added darkly, then embraced her.

When he had disappeared down the hallway, she opened the door and walked inside. It was not a familiar room. It was large, with a queen bed and nightstands, and a window. Probably not something every agent was given. Special treatment because of Ivan or because of her impending marriage? Who knew. She sank onto the bed and hoped Ivan was right.

It was night when Natalia awoke. She stared up at the ceiling and replayed the afternoon, hating herself and Madame B for making her feel like a fool. It was as bad as that first meeting with Alexei. Except worse, since she actually cared what the Winter Soldier and Ivan thought of her, and would have much preferred to say more meaningful things to them in one of the precious few conversations she was allowed to have.

She couldn't remember how she had known where to find the Winter Soldier. Or why she had felt the need to do so in the middle of the day. They were so careful about when they were seen together. Ivan wouldn't mention it to anyone, of course. Or probably think anything of it, but the fact that she'd found him at all... Had she been sent to find him after being treated to be ready to marry Alexei? Had it been a test of loyalty? Of the treatment? Had she passed?