therapeutic ; irwin

week two

second group therapy session

Feeling like I had a purpose was something I had always longed for. I wanted to know the feeling of having a place to fit in; a sense of belonging. I craved knowing how it felt to have people I could trust and that actually cared about me. To make me feel like I wasn't just another person that came and went, with no in between.

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Group session #2

"I want you all to think of what therapy is to you. And I don't necessarily mean this therapy, right here and now. I mean what makes you feel like your problems don't matter as much or makes you feel like they're gone just for that moment. I'd like you to say at least 2 things but more is fine."

As soon as Charlie said this to the group, the first thing that came to my head was obviously music. It was literally my escape from everything. But to think of another thing was more of a challenge. I wasn't one to enjoy many activities; I was mostly content with just music.

"How about we start with Michael and end with Jackie?" Charlie interrupted my train of thought. The order of our seating had changed since last week, but only slightly. It was now Charlie, Jackie, Lilli, me, Calum, Ashton and Michael who was next to Charlie.

"Umm... Playing video games and guitar. I love video games because it's like my own fantasy world, where I can be who I want and not have to bother with real life problems," Michael mutters, not bothering to look up at any of the group.

"Cool. Okay, Ashton?" Charlie says, writing something down on his clipboard.

"I love drumming. My drums are pretty much my punching bags. I bring out my anger on them, by drumming. Like if I've had a shitty day, I come home and just drum. And uhh..." Ashton stops to think.

"I, umm. I like to make people laugh. I guess one of my main getaways is making people happy. It gives me the best feeling and makes me feel like my problems are gone, even if it's just for a short amount of time," he finishes, smiling slightly. I can't help but smile myself. He seemed like such a great person and I had no idea why anyone would ever be mean to him. He had such a good energy and made everyone around him feel better too.

I hadn't notice myself staring at him until he looked back at me. I could feel my cheeks flushing with embarrassment, because he had caught me staring at him.

But to my surprise, he smiled back.

"Awesome, Ashton. Uh, Calum, it's your turn," Charlie said, not looking up from his clipboard.

"I know this sounds stupid, but I love writing songs. I can let out my emotions onto the paper. I sound like a fucking emo, but I honestly do think it's the best way for me to let out my feelings. Oh, and I also like gaming and playing guitar," Calum's smiles.

"I know everyone says this, but my getaway is music. More listening to it than playing it, but I just really fucking love music. I feel like so many songs can relate to how I'm feeling. Uh, but I'm not really sure what else makes me feel better," I say awkwardly, biting my lip. I could feel all eyes on me, making me only more nervous.

"It's okay, Luna. Do you wanna come back to you?" Charlie asks, his gorgeous hazel eyes looking up at me.

"Uh, yes please," I mumble, staring at him. That's when I realized I had a problem that I stared at people way too much.

-

As the session ends, I grab my bag and slump it over my back. As I lazily make my way towards the large, black door, I feel a cold hand yank my arm, causing me to spin around.

"You never did tell us what else makes you happy," I come face to face with a grinning Ashton.

"That's true. Good observation," I form my mouth into a phony smile and shake my arm free from Ashton's strong grip. As much as I enjoyed listening to Ashton's stories and finding out how similar we were, I wasn't one to actually talk to people I didn't know. And I was really in the mood to get home.

"Hey, Luna! Come back!" Ashton rushed after me as I make my way out the door.

"I should get home," I turn back to the tall boy standing behind me.

"Do you want me to give you a lift?" He offers, shoving his huge hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"Thanks, but I'm okay," I attempt to smile.

"No, seriously. It's fine," he says, gripping my arm with his hand again and leading me towards an old car.

"Uh, thanks," I mutter, getting in the car after Ashton unlocks it.

He gets in the drivers seat and start the engine.

"So, Luna," Ashton says, backing out of his car spot and driving off.

Keeping his eyes on the road, he places one strong arm across the back of my chair.

"So, Ashton," I giggle quietly in response.

"What else do you like, apart from music?" He asks, keeping his eyes fully on the road.

"I don't know," I mumble.

"C'mon. Music is fuckin' great, but there has to be something else you like," he chuckles.

"I guess I like to draw," I shrug. I had thought about what else I liked when Lilli and Jackie were talking. I had decided that I was going to say drawing, but Luke had forgotten to come back to me.

"What do you draw?" He asks.

"Well, I draw these little cartoon characters, all based on people. They all look quite similar, except they have a few different features such as hair and clothes," I explain. I had been drawing these for a while, but no one knew about them. Don't get me wrong though; it's not like it was a secret. I just didn't have anyone to tell until now.

"And how would you draw me?" Ashton smirked, revealing his dimples.

"I guess I'd give yours a bandana and some drums sticks. It'd probably have a band t-shirt and Converses," I say, thinking about it. I smiled at the thought of a cute, cartoon Ashton.

"You'll have to draw me one someday," he grins.

"Maybe," I return a smile.

"What else do you do?" He changes the subject.

"Ashton, if you think I'm going to be one of those girls who pretends she doesn't do much, but actually is the most talented, amazing girl ever, you're wrong. I'm just Luna. Unexciting, uninteresting Luna," I shrug.

"I think you're the complete opposite, you see, Luna. From the moment I first saw you, I was intrigued. I think you're quite exciting and interesting," he grins, looking awfully pleased with himself.

"You clearly don't know me well enough then, Ashton."