Cheerleaders: A Different Side

Cheerleaders: chapter three

After I noticed all the blood in my hair and all over me, I looked up and I was in the ICU... I had even more tubes and wires attached to me than I did when I first got into the hospital. A weird doctor that I had never seen before walked up to me and started inserting more needles in my arms. "What are you doing... why am I here?!" I questioned. "Well...." The doctor looked down at his clipboard, "..Peyton, your head injury a few days ago really shook up your brain.. And then when you hit it again earlier today, it caused some internal bleeding." he said. Without even thinking I looked down at my hospital gown and my hair and said "So this is why there is blood all over me..." he looked at me like I was a complete idiot. "Oh my god, wait... no that's not what I meant.." I felt so stupid. "You have blood on you because you started to throw up blood in your sleep because of the trauma to your head, completely normal but we had to move you to the ICU." the doctor said. "Oh...okay. Soo...now what?" I asked. "Well, you're gonna be here for the next few days, until the internal bleeding stops. No leaving, no major activity, and no visitors. Besides your mom and dad." I rolled my eyes and agreed.. "Oh and it will only be my mom visiting... I don't have a father... anymore at least." I mumbled under my breath and rolled my eyes. The doctor gave me a sympathetic look, and walked out of the room.

After he left, I called the nurse in and asked her if I could get a new hospital gown, because mine was covered in puke, or blood.. well, both. Gross. She went and got me a new one and told me I could take a shower, but I had to be VERY careful, and not hit my head. Luckily my mom came in right when I was getting up to shower. As awkward as I felt, I let my mom help me wash my hair when I showered. When I got out, the nurse handed me my phone. She told me it was covered in blood so they washed it off for me. I took it from her and told her thank you. 55 new texts, 21 tweets, 14 phone calls, and 9 snapchats... ugh. I opened a few texts and snapchats, and then my nurse interrupted me and said it was time to change my IV. I put my phone away and after she was finished I laid down and fell right asleep. I guess I didn't wake up for a while because when I woke up again, it was the next morning, and I was about to be put into long tube that kind of looked like a tanning bed... "What's going on?" I asked the nearest nurse I saw. "We're doing an MRI on your head, to make sure there is nothing seriously wrong," she said. "Don't worry, it doesn't hurt. Just lay down and relax and lay completley still for me." "Oook..." I said as I laid back down and closed my eyes. I must have fallen asleep, again..ugh. Because I woke up back in my regular hospital bed. My mom was sitting next to me asleep, so I tried to raise up my bed as quietly as I could but instantly when I pushed the button she jumped right up. She walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead and asked how I was feeling... "I'm fine..I just have an awful headache." after I said that, my nurse walked in with my pain meds, perfect! I turned on the TV as my nurse put in a new IV. She then told me that my MRI results would be back in a few hours, but for now I just needed to rest. 
"Ugh." I thought to myself. "I am so tired of resting."

My mom told me that Ms Connor was coming back today to see me, and that Jamie would be coming to see me on her way to practice tonight. When she mentioned cheer, I got kinda upset because I wished I was going to practice tonight. Why did I do this to myself?! Did I actually want to die? As all these thoughts raced through my head, the counselor, Sarah, opened the door.

"Knock knock!" she said as she was already entering the room. "How are you feeling? You up to talk a little bit?"

"Um yeah, I guess..." I said.

"Great. Now where did we leave off? You were telling me about your dad?"

My mom was still in the room, up until now. She slowly got up and said "I think I'm gonna go downstairs and get some coffee. I'll be back later." She awkwardly smiled and left the room.

"She doesn't really like to talk about him... and she hates that he's part of the reason I started feeling like this." I explained to Sarah.

"I see, so why does he make you feel so...depressed?" She asked. "What he did doesn't make you angry?"

"Oh I was angry, but at the same time, I had just lost my best friend. I just felt so...betrayed by him. Him cheating and then leaving just made me feel like we never meant anything to him, like I never meant anything to him. I was mad when he cheated but as soon as he left I was just so hurt and upset and so confused to why he'd ever do that to us. Especially after losing Mackenzie.. it just didn't make sense to me. He left without a word and never called us to explain or apologize or anything, and he didn't even call me or my siblings on our birthdays or Christmas. So I guess it made me realize he's really left us and I just slowly became super depressed about it. It felt like I had lost Mackenzie all over again because I didn't know if I'd ever see my dad again. And I know I have a good life and I'm still so blessed with my mom and my siblings and my friends and cheer but at the same time I just felt like my whole world was falling apart. I couldn't do it anymore and I just wanted everything to end."

I looked up at Sarah and she had tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry..." I felt really uncomfortable now.

"No no. It just reminded me of my dad, when I was really little, he cheated on my mom too and she kicked him out and cut out all contact I had with him. I wasn't allowed to see or speak to him until I turned 18, and I had been waiting so long to see him again and I couldn't wait. But about a month before my 18th birthday, my mom got a call that he was in an accident and was in ICU on life support. I was out of town visiting my older brother when it happened, and he ended up passing away before I got the chance to see him. I was so upset and so angry at my mom for keeping me from him all these years and I blamed everything on her. It was a tough situation to go through because I was only 5 the last time I saw him. I didn't know whether I was allowed to miss him or not. But going through that made me realize what I wanted to do with my life. Help other kids. That's why I'm here to help you get through this." Sarah said to me with a smile. "We can talk more later but I'm glad you opened up to me about everything. Get some rest!" She said and left the room.

My mom came back in before the door could even close. She sat down in the chair next to me with her coffee and just looked at the TV and didn't say anything. I looked over at her but she wouldn't look at me. I figured she didn't want to talk about dad so I just laid down and watched TV until I fell asleep again.