Inner Desires

11.

The first rays of light filtering through the curtains woke Hanna up. It took her a few seconds to go back to reality. As it dawned on her that she was lying naked next to Kimberly, an arm wrapped around her slender waist, her eyes filled with tears. Panic and melancholy took over. Had she really done that? Had she really slept with her? Although she remembered the previous night perfectly, a part of her wished it had been a dream. Suddenly those elegant sheets felt like a prison; she needed to get out of that bed before Kim could see her crying. But how could she remove her limb from her sleeping friend without her noticing? She stifled her sobs against her pillow. Why did she have to let herself go and make such a stupid mistake?

A few minutes later, the ringing of Kim's alarm clock startled her. The blonde groaned, rolling over to switch it off. She stretched herself languidly, sitting up.

"Morning" she greeted Hanna casually.

"Morning" the brunette forced a smile.

"Wanna have breakfast?"

She considered saying no and just running away as fast as she could, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. The situation was already awkward enough. Moreover, she was rather hungry.

"Yeah, sure" she nodded.

"Alright" Kimberly yawned as she got up "Toast okay?"

"Mhmm."

Both women dressed quickly. Hanna wondered if she was the only one who avoided looking at the other girl in the room. Her own nudity embarrassed her unbelievably; not because she was self-conscious about her body, but it was a much more irrational fear.

Seemingly a hundred years went by until the smell of crispy bread invaded the living-room. In spite of having an array of jams to choose from in the middle of the table, decorating it like a colorful centerpiece, she just took the first one she had in front of her distractedly and spread it apathetically over the toast. She saw from the corner of her eye how Kimberly got up at the sound of the coffee machine. Five seconds of freedom, at least, she sighed.

"Coffee?"

The Dutch girl shook her head. All she wanted was to finish that one piece of toast and leave the place.

"You look so tired..." Kim observed.

"I am. It's still early."

"Yeah. I like to get up early on Saturdays so I can do some shopping."

"I see" Hanna forced herself to singsong.

Her gaze was fixed on the remains of her toast, dark hair protecting her face. She was afraid of breaking down if she looked directly at Kimberly. As soon as she finished eating, she stood up and picked her belongings up. The blonde observed her with a bemused frown.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, um, I need to go... because Mark and Johanna don't know I... spent the night out."

"Oh. Well, then... see you later."

"Yeah, see you later!"

She gave her a quick peck on the cheek before hurrying out the door. The blonde sighed. If that was not the most awkward morning after, then she didn't know what would.

Outside, Hanna inhaled deeply. The cool air of the morning against her face was refreshing. Not having to deal with Kimberly was a big relief. However, her soul still felt troubled and in pain. Each time she thought of the night before, a stab of shame and guilt pierced her heart. She needed to talk to someone urgently, and only one single person came to her mind.