The Last Few Dollars

Chapter 4

Harper follows me, sitting down beside me. He grasps my hand in his, and I lay my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes to fight off the oncoming tears.

"For what it's worth," he whispers, so quietly that I have to strain my ears to hear him. "I think you were amazing out there. I've never seen anyone do what you did when faced with certain death."

I say nothing as a single drop rolls down my cheek and hits the mattress with a dull thud.

---

I wake with a start. My head is pounding with every beat of my heart, and my face is wet with tears. My mouth fills with the coppery tang of blood when my tongue hits the inside of my cheek, and I must have bitten in in my sleep, I realise. Not an uncommon thing.

With a sigh, I turn my head so that I can see the outside of the warehouse. It's still dark outside, but even without my jacket covering me I'm plenty warm enough, even with the cool sheen of sweat covering me from my nightmare.

It's a funny word, nightmare. Normally, when people use it, they refer to a bad dream, or to a bad situation in their waking hours. But for me, they feel like they're real. For me, I have nightmares when I'm awake, when I'm asleep, when I'm somewhere in between or somewhere else entirely. I live through them when my eyes are closed and then again, within hours, when they open again. And it terrifies me more than anything else can, because so often when I dream them, they become real.

And I hate it.

I check the time on my phone, being careful not to let its light shine anywhere that it might be seen. 3:37.

This, however, is not normal. Waking up because of a bad dream is, yes, but not at this hour. But because of every other experience I've had with this before, I know that I'm not going to be able to sleep again, so I roll off the mattress, being careful not to disturb Harper, and grab my bag as I slip out of the warehouse and into the darkness of the streets.

It's much quieter out here, and cooler, too. I didn't realise that with so many other bodies in proximity that I would be warmer at night, or even during the day. I guess it makes sense to hand together, particularly with winter just around the corner. Winter means less people out on the streets, because they know that it's when those of us who live out here are most desperate to rob them in order to get money, and the security on the greenhouses begins to pick up.

Wait - the greenhouses. The extra security. The way we were gunned down like it was nothing at all, no effort on their behalf... it was because it truly was no effort. It was because we're moving into winter, so the security increases to deter people like us from going in, particularly at night.

Then an idea hits me.

---

"Have you lost your mind?" Harper almost yells at me, and I flinch back from him. He doesn't react to this. "Really, were you even there last night? At all?"

"Of course I was there!" I snap, my vision turning red at the edges. "It's not the first time something like that has happened either, Harper, and I'll thank you for remembering that!"

"What do you mean, that's not the first time?" Harper asks, obviously confused. "Last time I checked-"

"I'd been living on the streets for a hell of a lot longer than you!" I snarl. "I was three, Harper - three years old, and I watched from my treehouse as my parents were killed in front of me! And I've been on the run ever since - that's why they had me locked up, because they've been looking for me, hell they still are! That's why I don't run with anyone else, because I just get them killed!" I'm crying now but I don't care, I just swipe at my eyes angrily with the back of my hand. "I was ten on the first run I went on. I was the only one who got back alive because I was a coward and ran. I couldn't stay there with them and face what I'd done so I left. The next one, I was fourteen. I'd been running with this group for a few months and one guy became like a brother to me. We knew each other better than we knew ourselves and I couldn't hold him together, I couldn't save him and he's dead because of me and I couldn't-"