TWITTER: stories from the underbelly (EDITING)

CHAPTER 28 Tips for Spotting Online Deception

Let's define "catfish" first:
"Slang . a person who assumes a false identity or personality on the Internet, especially on social media websites, as to deceive, manipulate, or swindle."
dictionary.com

While on urbandictionary.com:
"A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances."

Here's how MTV's "Catfish" TV show defines a catfish:
"a person who sets up a false personal profile on a social networking site for fraudulent or deceptive purposes."

HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE GETTING CATFISHED
(from MTV's "Catfish" TV show):
C = car crash or cancer
A = abs
T = tagged friends (if they don't post photos online with friends who are tagged in the photos)
F = facetime (i.e. video chats)
I = inconsistent behavior (ghosting and then coming back to life)
S = sending money
H = hundred friends (less than a hundred friends online is suspicious)

They're also a catfish if they enter into a relationship with you (platonic, romantic, and/or sexual) and/or create social media accounts that lie about the facts of their RL (name, age, relationship status, family, health, physical description, photos, job, religion/spirituality, gender, sexual orientation, mental/emotional health, past, city/country they live in, etc.).
It's one thing NOT to share. It's another thing to lie about the facts of their RL. If they're lying online, it's deceit. Meaning they are going out of their way to alter/hide/ignore the facts of their RL in forming relationships (platonic, romantic, and/or sexual) online.

SUSPECT OF DECEPTIVE BEHAVIOR
Doesn't automatically mean they are:
If they use and/or present the following:
1. False photos (selfies, family, loved ones, and/or any other photos they steal from other people, as a representative of their own RL, which is also plagiarism).
2. False names (first, middle, last, etc.).
3. False gender (male, female, transgender, transitioning, third gender, gender fluid, etc.).
4. False sexual orientation/interests (heterosexual, homosexual, bi-sexual, bi-curious, asexual, pansexual, etc.).
5. False race.
6. False religion/spirituality.
7. False relationship status (single, dating, committed relationship, married, divorced, open relationship, etc.).
8. False family (children, parents, siblings, extended family, etc.).
9. False mental/emotional health (depression, bi-polar, a former patient at a psychiatric ward, etc.).
10. False physical description of themselves (height, weight, eyes, hair color/style, physique, etc.).
11. False past/history (childhood, abuse, trauma, etc.).
12. False health status/past (some have said they have/had cancer, etc.).
13. False job/job history (not everyone is a model and/or doctor).
14. False education and background (high school, college degree/s, college/s attended, military service/combat/medals, etc.).
15. False hobbies/interests etc.
16. False information about previous relationships (platonic, sexual, and/or romantic).
17. And/or lie, give false information/facts about anything else that is not a fact about who they are in RL.

WHAT IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY DECEPTION:
People are not automatically deceiving if they:
1. Do not use their RL name online (i.e. use a pseudonym).
2. Don't post a RL photo of themselves/family/RL.
3. Don't give you their phone number/address/city they live in.
4. Don't share info about their RL (job, family, relationship status, sexual orientation, gender, past, etc.).
5. Have multiple social media accounts. Some people use different accounts for different things like work and personal, etc., that they don't advertise and/or share with you.
6. Close down one account only to open a new one, which they may not inform you of or you may not be aware of.
7. Stop being friends/talking to people online, including but not limited to you.
8. Don't want to Friend you on Facebook or follow you on IG/other social media sites.
9. Don't want to talk to you on the phone/video chat/or meet you in person, etc. Ever.
10. Unfollow you and/or block you.

TIPS ON HOW TO SPOT DECEPTION
Deceptive people can and do hide in plain sight. They may or may not demonstrate the following:
1. They're charismatic.
2. They share stories about their life that elicit pity from you.
3. They come across as kind, sensitive, loving, and supportive.
4. They blame other users/s for being catfish/psycho/stalkers/bullies/etc.
5. Drama follows them (online and/or in RL).
6. They blame previous relationships/TC/friendships/etc. for being crazy, psycho, catfish, stalkers, trolls, bullies, and/or abusive.
7. Their perspective of reality and the facts is warped. The stories they share put themselves in the best light or portray themselves as the victim in situations (thus eliciting pity, see #2).
8. They go out of their way to share stories pointing their fingers at everyone else.
9. They take little to no ownership for their own RL issues. They are not forthcoming about those issues. Who is going to be upfront and admit to being a liar, manipulating, abusing people, substance/emotional/physical abuse past, addictions, etc.?
10. They stack up victims/exes, who all share similar stories about the interactions with the alleged deceptive person, in their wake.
11. They ask for personal information (legal name, physical location, address, RL loved ones names/occupations/etc.).
12. They ask for money.
13. They ask for nudes/sex video.
14. They ask for personal/family photos.
15. They want the password for your account/s.
16. They repeatedly close accounts, sometimes deactivating and then reactivating, and/or change their handle.
17. They plant dreams of being/hanging out with you (platonic, sexual, romantic).
18. They always have an excuse why they can't: give you their phone number/address, Friend you on Facebook, talk to you on the phone, video chat, visit you in person, etc.
19. They continuously blame other people for shutting down/changing their account, why you can't talk to them on the phone, mail them a package, visit in person.
20. They string you along with false hopes, ideas, and promises. They use their distance (how far away they allegedly live from you), life, job, family, health issues, etc. as an excuse not to call, video chat, and/or meet in RL, etc.
21. They make promises that you can be together once they: get divorced, get their life together, resolve family issues, get settled in the new job/city, heal from cancer/car accident/operation, recover from their coma, get out of rehab/psych ward, etc.
22. They don't follow through. If they love you and want to really to talk/see you, they'll find a way to do it. Period.
23. They put pressure on you (guilt trips, subtle manipulations, accusations, etc.) to share personal information (legal name, location, address, photos, family names, nudes, etc.) with them, including but not limited to anything that makes you uncomfortable and/or crosses your boundaries. For example, they could send you alleged personal photos of their alleged family and then demand you do the same. The manipulation might look like this, "Why don't you ever share photos of your family? I guess you don't trust me. I trusted you with my photos. I thought we were closer than that. I guess you're not the person I thought you were," etc. The only difference being, they could very well be stealing/fabricating their information (i.e. stealing "family" photos from other people's lives, etc.) while you're about to share your RL.
24. They attack you, become abusive/manipulative when you question their stories or ask about other people's version of the story which conflicts with theirs. If you confront them about an opposing story, they'll probably call the person telling that story a psycho/catfish/liar/deceptive/manipulative/troll/abuser/etc.
25. They put nothing at risk, since they're not using their RL name/location/photos/phone/address/job/past/family/etc.
26. They use phrases such as:
If you love me...
I thought you trusted me...
I thought I knew you better...
How can you say that after all we've been through...
I was about to share my (personal information)...
I'm really hurt that you said/think/did that...
I'm only thinking of you...
I'm such a horrible person. You should just let me go...
You save me...
I just needed the right person/partner to help me...
You just get me...

"Most of the victims I have known in my work have reported that their initial involvement with a sociopathic person, and their continued association even though she or he caused them pain, was a direct result of how charming she or he could be."  Martha Stout, Ph.D.  The sociopath next door