TWITTER: stories from the underbelly (EDITING)

CHAPTER 1 #TwitterConfessions

copyright 2019 chris smith  All rights reserved.

"twitter is a good idea if you have a vivid imagination, don't care who likes you, can put a sentence together and have no other options."  @soyourelikethat

"#TwitterConfessions If it wasn't for some of you folks, I'd be more insane than I already am."

@viewfrommyoffic

"I legitimately send dick pics on snapchat, because sending pics of Cheney, Dick Clark, and Dick Van Dyke is hilarious. #TwitterConfessions"

@srslyberserk

"I once listened to an entire Nickelback CD while wearing Crocs and loudly chewing a sandwich with Miracle Whip on it. #TwitterConfessions"

@darksidedeb

"#TwitterConfessions I once peed in a bottle because I was too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom."

@ParkerGames

"#TwitterConfessions in preschool I got left behind during a fire drill bc I was in the bathroom and couldn't get my overalls up fast enough"

@_chbyrd27

"I was convinced I was going to be a spy in the cia until I found out junior yr of hs that u have to be born in the us #TwitterConfessions"

@farwatahirr

"YALL I accidentally stole an extra Chickfila breakfast. it's a long story.. but basically I'm a biscuit thief with grief #TwitterConfessions"

@artsyjessi

"I still can't do long division

#TwitterConfessions"

@eboose42

"#TwitterConfessions I chose not to go to Michigan State for college only because there was no Chick Fil A within a 70 mile radius"

@the_aeconomy

"Literally no one who knows me only in real life or on email believes I can communicate in only 140 characters #TwitterConfessions"

@deangloster

"TwitterConfessions

Texts with incomplete sentences, shortening of words or words mixed with letters and numbers make me want to chuck the phone."

@AnnOdong

"#twitterconfessions one time I brought a bunch of friends to bed bath and beyond and we all hooked up to the display Bluetooth speakers and played fergilicious on all of them and none of the store people could figure out what was going on"

@deIxney

"Ugh #TwitterConfessions I've been watching black mirror before I go to bed lately, but I have to watch an ep of the office before I go to sleep so I don't have nightmares like a 7 year old boy :-("

@DrewFarrris

"I've been nude for several hours today.

#twitterConfessions"

@NerdAtWar

"I often dream of people who I follow on Twitter but don't actually know irl. Is that weird? #twitterconfessions"

@Ceredante

"I would've liked your tweet, but you used there/their/they're/your/you're incorrectly.

I'm sorry.

#TwitterConfessions"

@DaddingAround

"I upgrade my wife's computer and cell phone when she's sleeping. #TwitterConfessions"

@ian_infosec

"Going to the gym for the childcare.

#honesty #twitterconfessions"

@momtruthfairy

"#TwitterConfessions I have so many of these 'activists' blocked because I'm tired of y'all retweeting nonsense on my timeline."

@SooFnSinister

"#TwitterConfessions : I can't peel a banana without cutting a notch in it first."

@justwatchingu1

"#twitterconfessions I haven't been able to watch eps let alone listen to the intro or commercial spots for Seinfeld since 2005 due to it being the last thing I saw before the staircase collapse that broke my back. The show brings me back to that moment every time. #mindsarecrazy"

@bigbluemachine

"I don't like gin. Don't @ me. I like Pimms which is gin based but only a tiny amount with a glass of lemonade. I want to like gin. Any ideas? Ok, you can @ me now.

TY for listening.

#twitterconfessions"

@Mmelulu

"I'm generally not obsessed with pop culture and celebrities... but this Khloé and Tristan thing is 😳 💥 🔥 🤦 😱. Even my husband said... the one that was married to Lamar Odom?! #twitterconfessions"

@Stefanie_Cruz

"Realizing all I did this last year was jump from one boy 2 the next before the wound healed from the last; expecting different results. But really where did that get me? 🤷🏻 Hey, finally learning. #twitterconfessions"

@petrovaxfire_

"I've never tried Nutella

#TwitterConfessions"

@bcraaum

"When I was in H.S. I used to let my (ex) gf paint my pinky nails before EVERY baseball game for good luck #TwitterConfessions lol"

@Chris_Bleeezyyy

"If I ever fed you and that shit was good. It was my mommas cooking. #twitterconfessions"

@supersaiyanjocy

"Just had a tweet reach 5k likes. My first time. A milestone, on a snarky tweet. Had more important (to me) ones that didn't get liked at all. Feels oddly like having lost my virginity to someone I didn't even like all that much. #TwitterConfessions"

@NSNCFic